.::my long journey::.

Today is a very bad day for me. I cried my sadness just now and now I can't see my laptop screen without it feels too bright or too dark while wearing my glasses. It's a tough first day of new semester. Actually, it is my final semester now. You know what, final semester means you passed the awkward moment you had with your classmates, but it seems that my first impression on them was not good enough for them to regard me as merely a good person. (I just met my new classmates in third semester, now is my sixth semester). Apparently , they remembered it so well that I broke their heart last year, by my foolish act and their stinginess (if there is any noun for stingy). and I thought it was already OK until this morning when this girl mentally knocked me off by saying "so Jessica, you only follow the crowd..." saying it with a judging tone. well, here I will explain why she said that to me when the class in a silence state of group discussion. How do you feel to come...

Finally, my end semester... however, the end is still quite long way to go and I need to face the biggest obstacle ever happen in my uni life: DISSERTATION. yes, that's what you need to do to graduate from uni, get to go to your convocation, finally leaving the uni for good, but you need to do an in-depth research of a topic that related to your course first. I think I'm in deep sh*t now as I'm very very bad in doing research.. I hate research, except for finding things that I'm interested in, although even I'm interested in one thing, I won't do a thorough research, just the surface. in-depth research is something I hate. I need to collect information and all and do the questionnaires, and before that I can't even think a single topic that I want to search since I'm a natural curious person. I'm curious in everything and after I knew about it, I will leave it alone and on quest to find other things. but I won't do in-depth findings, you got m...

It has been 3 years now since I'm studying abroad. At first, I was good with this condition, you know, I feel proud of myself that I can live alone, independently, without my family, especially my mom always by my side. Now, after I came back from a long holiday from my hometown, I feel the loneliness. It is very lonely, you know, to have no one who you can share your story, who will tell you a story that can make you laugh, think and give opinions about. I will warn you first that this post is made out of my homesickness today. I missed my family, they are, I realized, the best thing that ever happened to my life, the best thing I've ever had, and the most important part of me. I might say something bad about them in the past, to show my unsatisfactory towards them, but they are the most I loved, love, and will ever love. hahaha, I used so many tenses, eh? Time past, gradually, eventually, and I hope I will graduate faster and can come back hometown and meet them again, alt...

It has been a long time since I wrote the last post. How am I doing? I am doing good until last week. The turnover event is quite shocking, even for me. It is hard to believe that some people just never listen enough to what others said and make a twist of fate. Let me tell you the story.... I have a regional trip project upcoming next month. apparently, we are going to depart the end of next month. So, we, all of us, classmates, planning for this trip, making the proposal. The truth behind the proposal is, they handle all of it. no words of help.. I don't know... I don't know if they need my help, or it's just they think I won't help them. I'm kind of passive person, I won't offer, unless you ask. and I'm a person with a difficulty to say no, so of course I will help you as long as it's within my capability.

I have crossed with so many people who wish to be respected but never try to see themselves and respect others first. I hate it when they pointed me as I sometimes don't really answer people to their stupid chatty chat. Sometimes, they speak nonsense. I do speak nonsense, but always in the right time. This person, however, treat people as if they are lower than her. What's with that gesture? petting other's head as if they are your dog? do you wish us to be obedient towards you? it might be my angry side, but seriously, it's not respectful, especially head is the highest part of human. and moreover, with that command tone, do you wish me to follow your order? sorry, I do what I want to do, not because I obey you. It quite angered me, but I tried to forget those things, telling myself that it's so childish to get angry over simple thing (for others). well, i'm over it now, and i'm in the midst of editing my pic from C2AGE last weekend. :))) so nice that ...

Sebagaimana yang kita tahu, (ceile, bahasanyaa bukkk), internship itu magang, magang berarti kamu mencoba mencari pengalaman di dunia bekerja, dan namanya magang dan sebagai seorang trainee, gaji kamu bahkan ngga mencukupi buat makan sehari-hari. ngga usah makan, transport pulang pergi tempat kerja aja kadang melebihi gaji kamu, which is di bawah standar UMR. Mending kalo kamu digaji, kalo ngga digaji tapi disuruh-suruh kerja ini itu kayak babu gimana? Ribet kan? Menurut saya, magang itu adalah dimana orang-orang intelek yang masih fresh graduate <strikethrough> kayak rumput baru dipotong buat dikasih makan sapi</strikethrough) buat nyari pengalaman kerja dengan terjun secara coba-coba di dunia kerja dalam jangka waktu yang pendek. Kalau kamu pikir magang itu sesuai dengan apa yang dikatakan bos atau dari pihak kampusmu, bahwa kamu akan mempelajari banyak hal di suatu perusahaan secara bertahap, sebaiknya kamu jangan berharap lebih dengan memikirkan bahwa dengan sekali maga...

nyatanya teringat di hujan itu termenung selamat tinggal tak sempat kutanya lidahku kelu tak dapat berkata angin terbang pergi membawa memori ingin kurengkuh ku tak dapat hanya rindu yang terasa terbang jauh oh angin bawa rindu ini bersamamu juga hingga tak ada rasa sepi di hatiku kosong pun tak mengapa sakit. begitu pedih pedih yang tak terucap tak terhiaskan oleh kata hanya ingin pergi 11.01.2014 ketika waktu galau pun dipergunakan untuk menulis. haha. ini agak terinspirasi dari film korea "100 Days With Mr. Arrogant" sih. enjoy. komen ya kalo ada kesalahan di pengejaan, ataupun aturannya :)

First post in 2014! yeay yeay yeay! First of all, I wanna say, Happy New Year 2014!!! Yohoooo~ hope in this new year, we are all given a very happy, joyous, and prosperous year ahead us. wish everyone a merry christmas 2013 too, couldn't post for December 2013 because I have no internet in my house. it's okay, I didn't feel too frustrated, I enjoy my holiday, spending my time with my family, converse more with them more than what I can do if I still have internet at home. now, i am back to the place called 2nd home. haha. i have to start my internship after new year, and here i am, 3rd day, drained out of energy. hahaha. i can't even think what I want to write here. actually, i thought of things that I want to post here, but I forgot them already.

Have you ever thought about yourself in 5 years later, 8 years later, or maybe 10 years later? I just remembered this question from my accounting lecturer. She asked us to think about ourselves in the future, create the 5 top list and send it to her in e-mail, and until now, I still haven't done it. hahahahaha. I hope she didn't forget this, as I attended to send her this list soon. and now I was thinking, what am I going to be in 5 years.

not that really meeting, it's just he became the emcee for the meet&greet of Jason Chen and Clara C in my campus today. I think most of teenager in malaysia know jinnyboy. i really like that guy, i'm even more eager to take picture with him rather than Jason Chen (sorry jasonnn, because you are out of reach and i didn't get the chance to meet&greet with you personally). so, in the end of the meet &greet , my friend took picture with jin, and i really wanted to, thank God, i took picture with him after asking can i take picture with you many times. i know he's busy but at that time i really can't keep myself calm. back home, i reflect that i became so annoying at that time. i think i realized at that time that maybe he got annoyed but professionally he keep smiling and told us to wait for a while. and i feel that i have to say i'm sorry to jin for pushing him to take picture with him. haha. so unfeminine for me to beg to people even to the annoying l...

the title up there must make your curiosity up. everyone must be wondering, are you in a relationship? with who? when? how do you meet with your partner? and many other questions will come up. but sorry, i'm not in relationship now. but i really wanna talk about this topic tonight since it also make me soooo curious. i have so many questions about relationship. how do you know each other, how do you guys come up with the idea being in a relationship, who ask to go out first, who propose first, why would you accept/reject them, and many others. i admit it that i have never been in relationship (romance way) with anyone before, so i'm very curious and want to start mine. i don't know how people can go out together, what do you like from him/her, why you guys can go out together for many years and not even feeling bored to each other because usually in relationship you will look at each other a lot, every day, or even every time.

I just realized today when I did group discussion with my classmates for our assignment. Before, I always thought that I can do everything, I understand everything, I'm smarter than them. In fact, they are better than me and I have to lower my over-confident, see others and look into myself and I lack so many things. I'm too proud of myself so I don't really respect others. I read Tuesdays With Morrie, and I realize, I never gave all of myself to listen to what others think and talk about. I'm lack in listening, I speak too much, and I want to learn from my mistakes. I want to listen more, although actually I want to speak more (because I'm always quiet and talk to myself and when someone ask me to speak about things, I can't stop myself to share. hahaha.) I want to change myself, I want to be more talkative, listen to others carefully, out from my safe shell, I want to express myself but not too much, I want to try to learn from others because they are more ...

to final exam. OTL. but it's near to christmas and new year, and i can't wait to go back to my hometown! can't wait to meet my familia and my friends. can't wait to eat a lot of foods that i'm craving so much during my stay here. i'm just away from home for 3 months and i felt already gone for 3 years. haha. each day passed has already been a long day. can't wait can't wait! *feel so excited* but remembering exam makes me think to study hard so that i won't get re-sit. somehow, exam makes me feel full of spirit. i feel so sad lately, that I always feel bad when i'm with my friends. i feel like it's not good for me to be around them. they make me think the worst of me when i'm around them. it's not good for my health, i think. so i decided, maybe to make a distant between me and my friends. i can't let them know more about my feeling again. i can't share it freely to them now. i have to think over first before i speak out. ...

ga terasa Desember udah dateng. padahal kemaren baru buat post hello november. hahaha. saya sekarang jadi ngga aktif lagi gara-gara kuliah. tugas menumpuk, test mulu. huwaaaaa. kata senior saya, kalo ga sibuk bukan kuliah namanya. hahaha. ga kurang tidur juga bukan kuliah namanya. lol. iaa deh, saya kurang tidur mulu, padahal baru semester 1. haaaa... gmana tar semester 2,3? ga tau deh. saya mencoba bertahan dulu. hahaha. kehidupan kuliah saya ga berjalan begitu mulus. bagian relationship aja. kalo belajar mah lumayan, ga jelek2 amat nilainya, standar, ga pinter ga bego juga. hahaha. susah sih menyesuaikan diri, apalagi sama bahasa pengantarnya, bahasa inggris. ga bisa pake bahasa indonesia, sedih deh saya. :( makanya tiap presentasi (ini nih!) bikin saya kewalahan. pusing mikirin kata2nya, translate dari indonesia ke inggris dalam kepala. tapi harus dibiasakan. hehe. relationship, bukan sama pacar sih (belum punya, hahaha) tapi sama temen. mungkin karena umur teman2 saya bervarias...

mood : kelabakan listen  to : EunJi, Seo In Guk - All For You sebenarnya sih males mau pake huruf kapital kapital gini, mana saya lagi makan pake tangan, takut keyboard lengket lengket, wajar aja kalo sekarang belum ada tanda tanda yg jauh jauh atau yg butuh shift *ngacir cuci tangan dlu* sesuai judulnya, hidup itu ga sesuai perkiraan, ada kejutannya, dan kejutannya kecil-kecil, tpi kadang besar banget. hari ini, saya menyangka bahwa hari-hari saya akan aman-aman aja, nyatanya, saya takut bahwa salah satu teman saya akan membenci saya. Saya selalu paranoid, apalagi dalam friendship dan relationship. ga bisa tenang deh kalo mereka udah behave di luar kebiasaan. pasti ngerasa takut, gimana yaa, dia ga bales skype aku, tadi pas aku ngomong sama dia mukanya masem gtu. Saya selalu takut sudah menyakiti perasaan orang. Ini sebenarnya mungkin akibat dari masa lalu saya. Saya jadi takut ngomong. Takut kalo saya ngomong begini, responnya ga baik, ngomong itu tar dikira ngejek.

Mood : FREEDOM!!! *fire* Kalo ada yang bilang pengen cepet-cepet kuliah, itu aku orangnya. Tapi kalo ada yg bilang pengen cepet-cepet selesaiin kuliah, itu aku juga orangnya. Ayo tanya kenapa. Karena baru semester 1, saya sudah seperti orang gila. Kurang tidur, makan ga teratur, ngerjain tugas sampe tengah malem, dikejer ujian tengah semester, belum lagi harus ngerencanain project dan partisipasi dalam 1 event. Saya kelabakan. sumpah.

Mood : head-ache, back-ache Listen to : Hey Girl - B1A4 I don't want to welcome October! But I have to, if i want to meet November and January. Oh shoot, why October comes so fast. I need a break. but i think my break is also already too long (so many connecting words in 1 sentence). I wish i can do my mid-sem test with good score. get a good marks for all subject, although it just 2.9, i'll try hard to make it 3.0 for next semester. I wish i can get my own break on November. I wanna go to Central Market to buy some souvenirs, I wanna go to PC Fair to buy camera, I want to go to Sungei Wang or Bukit Bintang to buy some clothes and sandal (i need some new clothes now), I wanna try to drink in Starbucks (although it costs me 2 times of my lunch and dinner), I wanna save some money through part-time work but i know i can't take it for this 1st semester, when i really desperately wanna go back to my hometown.

already 3 weeks here, nothing's new in my life now. just the first-two weeks, every thing seemed sooooo new for me, but now, i didn't find anything new. no friend for journey, no friend for traveling. maybe the cause i didn't get a friend is that i was too boring? huhu, even i felt bored. in this long weekend, has nothing to do except staying at home for whole 4 days. shoot, i guessed i should have planned sth before this long weekend by going somewhere else or going around my apartment, or buying new swimsuit so that i could just go to the swimming pool, but what i'm doing now here typing my journal, watching Running Man, and going to continue with A Gentleman's Dignity. talking about boredom, i want to explore some towns here, melaka, penang, batu caves, bukit bintang, sungei wang. aaaaaaaaaaa, all i wanna do is just shopping and going to beautiful places. of course shopping with little cost. hehehe. nah, proposal, just remembered about it, hope they already f...

Akhirnya saya makan sosis hari ini! well, bukan apa-apa sih, tapi saya kangen masakan indonesia. walopun sosis bukan masakan indonesia, tapi mama saya kadang gorengin sosis buat kami kalo lagi males masak. haha. tapi saya juga kangen sama sayur bayam, sayur asem, pempek, ikan goreng. disini saya serba makan ayam, nasi goreng. dulu di rumah nasi putih. di sini ga bisa beli indomie, karena rasanya beda, semua serba beda. merek barang-barang aja beda. di sini orang-orangnya juga beda, ngoceh pake bahasa inggris, mandarin, indonesia. kadang saya capek kalo harus ngobrol pake bahasa Inggris mulu. dan akhirnya, saya ketemu temen dari Indonesia, dan bisa ngomong bahasa Indonesia dengan lega. kami kadang gosip, ngomongin soal pelajaran, tugas, cowok. haha. cewe ga akan pernah lepas dari namanya gosipin cowo. lol. dan akhirnya, saya ketemu titik terangnya, ada 1 housemate saya ga suka sama saya. oke, fine, aku ga akan ikut campur urusan dia, ga bakal nanya-nanyain dia lagi. emang enak apa did...

it's already September when I woke up this morning. I don't know what to say, just didn't feel any change (although i hope so many changes. hehe) many people have a lot to wish, but i even don't know how to start one. because i'm too tired with all hopes and wishes i had made. for one last thing that i just wish me become a happy person. i do know that happiness is not found by seeking it, but making it. but i don't know how to make it. maybe i'll correct it to wish that i can make my own happiness. forget about problems, and enjoy my life. btw, my college life will be started on this Monday. i'm eager to see tomorrow! :D wish me luck!