.::my long journey::.

Today is a very bad day for me. I cried my sadness just now and now I can't see my laptop screen without it feels too bright or too dark while wearing my glasses. It's a tough first day of new semester. Actually, it is my final semester now. You know what, final semester means you passed the awkward moment you had with your classmates, but it seems that my first impression on them was not good enough for them to regard me as merely a good person. (I just met my new classmates in third semester, now is my sixth semester). Apparently , they remembered it so well that I broke their heart last year, by my foolish act and their stinginess (if there is any noun for stingy). and I thought it was already OK until this morning when this girl mentally knocked me off by saying "so Jessica, you only follow the crowd..." saying it with a judging tone. well, here I will explain why she said that to me when the class in a silence state of group discussion. How do you feel to come...

it has been a long time i write in this blog. usually I produced (?) almost 10 posts every month, but now i rarely write anything because of the activities , campus, assignment, everything messed up , and i don't have any idea what I can share in my blog. and recently, i don't have anything interesting to tell except my loneliness in this foreign country and no friend to tell but writing in this blog. but i didn't want to share it because i don't want everyone who read this blog feel sad or depressed. i just want to share happiness and good news to everyone, because we deserve it. we need to forget the negative part and move on with the positive part, but you know, it's not life if everything is not balance. there is always the negative part, along with the positive part. and i just (now) realized and remembered what the bhante in my vihara before said, life is like a wheel. you will always rotate no matter when, up or down, and maybe my position in my life now is ...

mood : tired now playing : jeff bernat ft. geologic of blue scholars - call you mine kayaknya tahun ini lagi ga produktif nulis-nulis. hahaha. dan entah kenapa, semakin lama, saya merasa kehilangan diri sendiri. ga tau kenapa, rasanya saya yang sekarang bukanlah seorang saya. saya merasa, bahwa saya ngga bisa lagi mengerti orang lain, atau mungkin orang lain menganggap saya aneh? ngga tahu juga. pokoknya ada yang berbeda. mungkin saya yang berubah, mungkin orang lain juga berubah. makanya beda. mood, tired. ya, saya capek akhir2 ini. capek fisik dan batin. fisik, saya harus ngerjain konser, punya negara orang, ga dibayar, tapi harus sibuk ngurus ini ngurus itu, ngabisin pulsa buat nelpon sama sms orang2, para performers, emailin smua orang yang berkaitan sama konser ini, tapi yang paling aneh, saya ngga tau apa2 soal konser, tiba2, pluk, kamu jadi activities and entertainment manager, dan lebih aneh lagi, teman2 sekelas saya yang jadi manager juga malah makin menjauh dari saya....

hey, it's already May, but shall I say "Hello May"? because I haven't greeted May! hoho. this afternoon, i spent my time by watching Friends with Benefits and X-Men First Class. oh my God!!! can I say that I love the last one? XMFC is SOMETHING! hahaha. since i'm a fan of James McAvoy from his previous movie, Atonement, I found out that he doesn't lose his skill in this film, which is amaze me with his acting, and of course his charisma. but Michael Fassbender also gave me some shocks at the last minutes of XMFC. hohoho. they made me wondering till the end of the movie. 4.5 of 5 for this movie. well, the 0.5 for i don't really understand about this movie. ughhhh. i'm sorry. TT about Friends with Benefits, ugh, can I say it kinda same with No Strings Attached? well, kind of friends-just-for-sex, and i felt uh no, so many bed scenes! i admit it that i enjoy it but i also think that it's just too much. hwhw. yeahhhh, but (so many but) i love ...