Journal 101 : no mention status

what do you think when people write no mention status and you know EXACTLY it's about you? moreover, it's not a good thing about you.

and do you think you are BETTER than anyone else? please, watch yourself on mirror because you are not THAT GREAT. making no mention status is not only rude, but abusing others. you might think that person not reading yours, but not if it's on facebook when we are "friend".

I know u don't like the person, it's okay, but no mention status? that is rude. plus with your comment. should i tag you now in my status, clearly that I despise your personality? you might think you are handsome/beautiful but not with your personality.

I really hate with this kind of no mention status. I despise it. I know it's your facebook, but you should mind others, especially the person that you want-to-mention-but-you-don't-want-him/her-know-that-you-talk-bad-about-them is "friend" with you in facebook.

I even never want to start one, but at the same time, this guy really brought my temper up. He wrote the no mention status to me, I replied him with the same no mention status, and they replied me with no mention status. it's like a no-mention status war on facebook. i stopped it right away after they wrote another status. I don't want to continue to hurt people, to be misunderstood by people, so I stopped. I realize how does it feel. It's not a good feeling to have revenge by making no mention status. it only brings up more revenge and anger among people. so i really want to prevent this problem in the future. and i write this post as a reminder for me and all people outside there to be careful when you write status on facebook. it's not a private space at all now..

well, i wrote this post with a lot of anger and pissed off. hahahaha. i hope you also don't feel pissed off to me. lol.

have a good night!

PS : I'm sorry for my bad english. I hope you can at least understand what I want to tell about.

Journal 100 : cheer up!

Finally, journal 100!!! I guess, i should have a party then. lol. why cheer up? because one of my friend told me that she feel sad (i dunno what is the english for 'miris') when she read my journal. and when i read through what i have written, i feel like "oh my goodness, what happen to my life before? do i always feel emo like that?" hahahaha. yeah, sometimes i wrote when i feel sad, not when i'm happy. because it's like a car that consume petrol, happiness is the petrol, and the car usually drink it up all until finish and when the sadness (petrol is finished) come, you share it to everyone that you don't have money to buy the petrol (i don't know what i am talking about now, so just guess what i mean by saying those and tell me what i mean by saying it in the comment section. hahahaa)

so, i want to make a cheerful post now, without end up writing an emo post. lol. but i dunno how, i guess i should start practicing now, share my happiness to the world. lol.


Journal 99 : in relationship

the title up there must make your curiosity up. everyone must be wondering, are you in a relationship? with who? when? how do you meet with your partner? and many other questions will come up. but sorry, i'm not in relationship now. but i really wanna talk about this topic tonight since it also make me soooo curious.

i have so many questions about relationship. how do you know each other, how do you guys come up with the idea being in a relationship, who ask to go out first, who propose first, why would you accept/reject them, and many others. i admit it that i have never been in relationship (romance way) with anyone before, so i'm very curious and want to start mine. i don't know how people can go out together, what do you like from him/her, why you guys can go out together for many years and not even feeling bored to each other because usually in relationship you will look at each other a lot, every day, or even every time.


Journal 98

life is unexpected. u can dream that tomorrow you will still have the same person who greet you, but as we face in reality, your life can change in a minute when 1. you speak wrongly, 2. you behave differently, 3. you didn't do anything.

and that's what i learnt. i'm afraid that our experience might be different since every person meet different person in their life or even the same person but different treatment to us.

i thought that i might get along with these girls, but because of certain thing i don't know or i did not realize, it creates a distant among us, only in 1 day. in that 1 day, everything changed. we do not laugh as we used to laugh together. we are talking as if we are stranger now. even, we do not joke around to each other because everyone seems to take offensively on it.


Journal 97

now, i am enjoying my life, alone (?), with my laptop and phone as my best friend (currently). i miss my family, miss my friends in hometown, miss everyone that I close with before. i hope everyone doesn't forget about me. i know i should move on, but it's difficult to make a move with this big difference and hindrance. i don't know who i should go with, friend with, even eat together with. and I realize I'm a quiet person. it's difficult for me to start a conversation naturally, even to talk with stranger, i don't feel good about it. not only stranger, to my classmates are also difficult, since from semester 1 we already create a group. it feels awkward to just go into another circle. so difficult until now i stop to try. i feel like just let anyone approach me since i'm already tired to try to approach people. i know i said to myself that i like challenge, but now i'm tired, can't i take a rest? sometimes i think, people around me are selfish, they want me to approach them, make afford, but later they just leave me alone, and it's not only tiring.

so, i spent most of my time with listening to music, watching Running Man , reading novels, and writing in this blog about what i want to share to my close friend. it's easy to make friend, but hard to make a close friend. you don't want to choose wrong person yet you need them faster.

heyy, talk about Running Man, Kim Jong Kook just came to Malaysia last Friday! he had showcase on friday in Sentul and meet&greet in Paradigm Mall. so sad that i don't have friend to go with so i just stayed at home watching running man. hahahaha. i asked some of my friends, they went there, but with their own friends.

and i really want to ask people, is there any manual book to make a close friend? because i like to follow manual book. although deep inside my brain (?) , i know there is no such book exist, or if it really exists, sure it will be a different case. everyone has no same characters. and here life, give us test to guess everyone's characters.

sometimes i even want to ask everyone, hey tell me what you want/expect from people, how do you want people talk to you, what you don't like from people, what are your interests, what should i do if you face certain mood (bad mood, very bad mood, angry). but you know, humans are not honest, even to themselves. i can't bother with it, since i'm also sometimes not that honest (if i'm being honest, people tend to get annoyed/angry)

and you know what, sometimes i even wish that some people face the same problem like me, so i don't feel being alone. hahahahhaa. but no, i just want and wish everyone (include me) lives happily and peacefully. that's what Buddha taught us, pray for everyone to live happily, peacefully.


Journal 96

Firstly I want to say, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY VERY DEAR FRIEND, YU-CHANNN~ Wish you a very happy birthday, have a nice day, graduate soon, get a good job, don't lose contact with me and ren-chan, stay healthy (exercise more) hahaa because i know you are getting fatter now!!!! U even recommend me nice food with cheap price! lol!!! #justkidding

and secondly, i feel grateful that i chose to go for counseling. People might think i'm crazy or what, but I do need counseling since living in foreign country feels so strange, no friend to share with, and only with my counselor, i can tell her anything i want. she looks like my sister or aunt or even friend because she treats me well. i know it's part of her job, but it's so nice for her to be patiently listen to me although i can't really speak english well. I'm not good in expressing my emotion when it comes to speaking and it's not my mother tongue. i'm so thankful of her, i hope she's not feeling tired when listen to my story. jajaja.


Journal 95

I was hoping that next week is my free week, but it seems that assignment and final exam for spanish class choose to come in next week. i want to sleep more, i want to exercise more, but it seems that assignment always become the barrier between us *ceilee. I already planned to exercise and diet because i don't want to have more double chin and fats on my stomach. hiks. I have to go to gym and starts doing it before i feel like procrastinating it. lol. i'm hungry now since i only have snow ice cream as my dinner. hiks. i miss dumplings and wanton and indonesian food. sometimes , i feel so homesick.

i feel so happy today but contrast, i feel so bad today. the good news is my debate team won the class debate. thanks to my classmate, he's very awesome if i can say it in front of him, but later he'll be big head. he did a good job, even got 5 marks, unfortunately become 4 because he exceeded the time. it's very nice to learn from him. he's very experience in public speaking (fyi, he's older than me), and his knowledge is very vast. i admire him, he's like a role model for me. he can be playful but at the same time very serious because he's a businessman, so his nature is unpredictable. he has scolded me before (he's the chairperson of my class tour), but i know in my heart, although i feel angry that he scold me in front of his friends, he speaks the truth. he gave me a lot of things to learn about. he's like a brother for me (if he wants me to refer him so).

and another side, i feel bad today, i don't want to use card again for shopping. it's worst, complicated, and i don't want my mom there is worried about me and i don't want to upset my parents. they already work hard for me , for me to study here, and i don't want to add more worry on their shoulder. i want them to be proud of me, i don't want to upset them, and i feel like every day i learn my lesson about life. people around me makes me learn, not lean on them. i learn to be independent, but sometimes i need to depend on someone else, to help me grow up!

have a nice day everyone!


Journal 94 : Reflection

I just realized today when I did group discussion with my classmates for our assignment. Before, I always thought that I can do everything, I understand everything, I'm smarter than them. In fact, they are better than me and I have to lower my over-confident, see others and look into myself and I lack so many things. I'm too proud of myself so I don't really respect others. I read Tuesdays With Morrie, and I realize, I never gave all of myself to listen to what others think and talk about. I'm lack in listening, I speak too much, and I want to learn from my mistakes. I want to listen more, although actually I want to speak more (because I'm always quiet and talk to myself and when someone ask me to speak about things, I can't stop myself to share. hahaha.)

I want to change myself, I want to be more talkative, listen to others carefully, out from my safe shell, I want to express myself but not too much, I want to try to learn from others because they are more expert than me. and i want to respect others more. before, i always think of myself highly, i always think other people are wrong, now i realized, it's me who is wrong and sometimes i like to imagine more rather than see the reality. i have to be in real life now, not in my dreaming. i have to move on. i know reality sometimes hurts, but that's life. Confusius said, it's not about you never falling, but rising in every your fall.

and this semester really opens my eyes. that i'm not as good as what i imagine and respect others and everyone has their own skill and we shouldn't look down at others. i should try something new, be more brave, and not to be childish by jealous to others excellence. and i have to study more diligently.


Journal 93

i dunno why, but lately i make so many thoughts. i was thinking that it's better for me to enjoy my loneliness, although yeah i know i miss contact with people. lol. it's not that i become anti social, but now i think i will make distance between me and other people for awhile. life is not easy lately, and i have to finish my assignment, deadline is coming, and i feel too crowded also lately. i also don't have so many stories to tell about to my friends. they are still my friends , but if they forget me while i'm hibernating, it's okay, i can always find another friends. :)

and you know what, i just found out that i have collection of pen drive. 2GB, 4GB, 8GB and 16GB, i have it all. hahaha. 2GB and 8GB are from my dad, he said it's better for me to have another pen drive, in case the other is lost, and i got 4GB from quiz, and 16GB because we (my class) has "a lot of" money from our tour. it's not because we make profit, but we 'give' profit to our tour. :( i hope they will return some of my money. i'm broke now. i want this bag so much http://www.charleskeith.com/INTLStore/CK/product?dest=MYS&art=CK2-50670006&color=01&source=bags

but now, it's out of stock. i don't know what to do. hiksss. i hope they still have it in Sunway Pyramid's store. and i hope my mom let me buy it. lol. i don't have any bags except my laptop bag, so i really want to have a ladies bag. :)

and i wanna buy a backpack which i can use it to put my books for school and for a short trip to put my clothes, etc. i'm afraid to use my laptop bag for trip, because i don't want it broken so fast, i still love that bag, so i want to buy a bag special for trip.

i guess i have many wish list. lol. and i just hope for magic that maybe i have enough money to buy the bags.

lately, i think went to counselling help me relieve my stress. i shared the story that i want to tell-but-i'm-too-afraid-of-my-friend's-reaction.