.::my long journey::.

the title up there must make your curiosity up. everyone must be wondering, are you in a relationship? with who? when? how do you meet with your partner? and many other questions will come up. but sorry, i'm not in relationship now. but i really wanna talk about this topic tonight since it also make me soooo curious. i have so many questions about relationship. how do you know each other, how do you guys come up with the idea being in a relationship, who ask to go out first, who propose first, why would you accept/reject them, and many others. i admit it that i have never been in relationship (romance way) with anyone before, so i'm very curious and want to start mine. i don't know how people can go out together, what do you like from him/her, why you guys can go out together for many years and not even feeling bored to each other because usually in relationship you will look at each other a lot, every day, or even every time.

I just realized today when I did group discussion with my classmates for our assignment. Before, I always thought that I can do everything, I understand everything, I'm smarter than them. In fact, they are better than me and I have to lower my over-confident, see others and look into myself and I lack so many things. I'm too proud of myself so I don't really respect others. I read Tuesdays With Morrie, and I realize, I never gave all of myself to listen to what others think and talk about. I'm lack in listening, I speak too much, and I want to learn from my mistakes. I want to listen more, although actually I want to speak more (because I'm always quiet and talk to myself and when someone ask me to speak about things, I can't stop myself to share. hahaha.) I want to change myself, I want to be more talkative, listen to others carefully, out from my safe shell, I want to express myself but not too much, I want to try to learn from others because they are more ...

i dunno why, but lately i make so many thoughts. i was thinking that it's better for me to enjoy my loneliness, although yeah i know i miss contact with people. lol. it's not that i become anti social, but now i think i will make distance between me and other people for awhile. life is not easy lately, and i have to finish my assignment, deadline is coming, and i feel too crowded also lately. i also don't have so many stories to tell about to my friends. they are still my friends , but if they forget me while i'm hibernating, it's okay, i can always find another friends. :) and you know what, i just found out that i have collection of pen drive. 2GB, 4GB, 8GB and 16GB, i have it all. hahaha. 2GB and 8GB are from my dad, he said it's better for me to have another pen drive, in case the other is lost, and i got 4GB from quiz, and 16GB because we (my class) has "a lot of" money from our tour. it's not because we make profit, but we 'give' p...

it has been a long time i write in this blog. usually I produced (?) almost 10 posts every month, but now i rarely write anything because of the activities , campus, assignment, everything messed up , and i don't have any idea what I can share in my blog. and recently, i don't have anything interesting to tell except my loneliness in this foreign country and no friend to tell but writing in this blog. but i didn't want to share it because i don't want everyone who read this blog feel sad or depressed. i just want to share happiness and good news to everyone, because we deserve it. we need to forget the negative part and move on with the positive part, but you know, it's not life if everything is not balance. there is always the negative part, along with the positive part. and i just (now) realized and remembered what the bhante in my vihara before said, life is like a wheel. you will always rotate no matter when, up or down, and maybe my position in my life now is ...

mood : tired now playing : jeff bernat ft. geologic of blue scholars - call you mine kayaknya tahun ini lagi ga produktif nulis-nulis. hahaha. dan entah kenapa, semakin lama, saya merasa kehilangan diri sendiri. ga tau kenapa, rasanya saya yang sekarang bukanlah seorang saya. saya merasa, bahwa saya ngga bisa lagi mengerti orang lain, atau mungkin orang lain menganggap saya aneh? ngga tahu juga. pokoknya ada yang berbeda. mungkin saya yang berubah, mungkin orang lain juga berubah. makanya beda. mood, tired. ya, saya capek akhir2 ini. capek fisik dan batin. fisik, saya harus ngerjain konser, punya negara orang, ga dibayar, tapi harus sibuk ngurus ini ngurus itu, ngabisin pulsa buat nelpon sama sms orang2, para performers, emailin smua orang yang berkaitan sama konser ini, tapi yang paling aneh, saya ngga tau apa2 soal konser, tiba2, pluk, kamu jadi activities and entertainment manager, dan lebih aneh lagi, teman2 sekelas saya yang jadi manager juga malah makin menjauh dari saya....

already 3 weeks here, nothing's new in my life now. just the first-two weeks, every thing seemed sooooo new for me, but now, i didn't find anything new. no friend for journey, no friend for traveling. maybe the cause i didn't get a friend is that i was too boring? huhu, even i felt bored. in this long weekend, has nothing to do except staying at home for whole 4 days. shoot, i guessed i should have planned sth before this long weekend by going somewhere else or going around my apartment, or buying new swimsuit so that i could just go to the swimming pool, but what i'm doing now here typing my journal, watching Running Man, and going to continue with A Gentleman's Dignity. talking about boredom, i want to explore some towns here, melaka, penang, batu caves, bukit bintang, sungei wang. aaaaaaaaaaa, all i wanna do is just shopping and going to beautiful places. of course shopping with little cost. hehehe. nah, proposal, just remembered about it, hope they already f...

it's already September when I woke up this morning. I don't know what to say, just didn't feel any change (although i hope so many changes. hehe) many people have a lot to wish, but i even don't know how to start one. because i'm too tired with all hopes and wishes i had made. for one last thing that i just wish me become a happy person. i do know that happiness is not found by seeking it, but making it. but i don't know how to make it. maybe i'll correct it to wish that i can make my own happiness. forget about problems, and enjoy my life. btw, my college life will be started on this Monday. i'm eager to see tomorrow! :D wish me luck!

Finally, I can sleep well. But I still wake up so early, that's why i still feel so tired although I sleep well. Jujur aja, saya capek pake bahasa Inggris mulu. dengerin orang ngomong bahasa inggris. because my mother tongue is Plembang, I also can't speak plembang freely, coz some of my friends come from different state in Indonesia. Satu fakta menarik, kelihatannya Running Man bener2 tontonan yg mendunia ya? haha. kebanyakan temenku tahu Running Man itu apa, dan mereka smua fans Kim Jong Kook. Oppa, mengapa kamu begitu berbeda? haha. jujur, capek skali diajak jalan mulu. kapan saya bisa tidur-tiduran aja? pengen cuci baju tapi ga ngerti caranya gmana. huhu. belom beli banyak barang lagi. betapa capeknya pergi kuliah sendiri. sebaiknya bagi kalian yang kuliah merantau ke luar kota, dan belum terbiasa mandiri, ajak aja ibu bapakmu, biar ada yang bantuin. saya ngerasain banget sekarang. ini bukan sekadar liburan. tapi tinggal selama beberapa tahun. mana saya ngga ada tmen d...

Terkadang kita tidak tahu sampai mana batas kita jika kita tidak pernah mencobanya. Mimpi, sesuatu yang indah, namun kita tetap harus mencoba meraihnya. Menempuh perjalanan yang akan menguji sejauh mana kita bisa bertahan. Di sini aku diuji. Diuji untuk menggapai mimpiku. Diuji dengan cara jauh dari orang tua. Kerap kali aku merasa sedih, menangis (padahal baru dua hari), melihat teman-teman yang membawa serta kedua orang tua mereka. Sedangkan aku? Sendirian di tempat aku tak pernah singgah. Tempat yang tak pernah aku jejakkan kakiku, karena inilah pertama kali aku berdiri di bumi ini. Aku sedih, sedih sekali, harus jauh dari orang tua, dari adik-adikku. Sampai aku berpikir, kenapa aku harus memilih kuliah di tempat yang jauh? Kenapa aku harus menyusahkan orang tuaku? Mereka sudah berumur, tapi aku masih menyusahkan mereka dengan finansial. Tapi aku tahu, tangisku takkan mengubah keadaan. Sekarang aku di sini, harus menghadapi pilihan yang telah kuambil. Kalau mengingat kembali orang t...

Mood : jet-lag first time i'm out from my comfort zone. away from my family, makes me want to cry right now. can't believe this actually. i never thought about taking study outside, i think i'll still be near my family. but now, here i am, far away from them, even my departure, they can't accompany me. i feel afraid somehow. afraid that i can't survive here, i'm afraid that i'll feel very lonely. but i know that my parents has spent many for my study. so i hope that i can survive here till i graduate, look for job. i hope i can stand this loneliness, though i'm not strong at first, but i believe, with their pray, i can go through all of these. wish me luck, and i pray for everyone the best.

Entah kenapa, hari ini tiba-tiba teringat satu mimpi saya dulu. Dan saya jadi pengen menceritakan semua mimpi saya. Semua berawal dari keinginan saya untuk jadi diplomat saat saya masih kelas 6 SD. Kenapa diplomat? Karena saya dulu pengen banget keliling dunia. Sepertinya asik saja merasakan kebebasan, bertemu banyak orang, pergi ke banyak tempat. Dan timbul pemikiran saat itu, kalo saya ga jadi diplomat, saya ingin jadi tour guide, jadi tujuan saya nanti kuliah inginnya hubungan internasional atau sastra inggris. Saat itu saya belum mengenal adanya jurusan pariwisata hingga saya SMA kelak. Saat SMP, pikiran saya masih dipenuhi dengan ide keliling dunia –hingga sekarang masih ada kok :D. Dan karena ide itu, saya malah jatuh cinta sama pelajaran IPS terutama sejarah. Ide ini masih melekat, dan saya jadi giat belajar bahasa inggris (dulu sewaktu SD, kami baru dikenalkan dengan bahasa inggris, pertama kalinya di sekolah kami saat angkatan saya, saat kelas 6 SD) karena ingin bisa kel...

Mood : Sleepy Listen to : Yiruma - 기억에 머무르다 ( Stay In Memory) sebenarnya hari ini saya menghadiri seminar yang menghadirkan 2 motivator Indonesia yaitu Merry Riana dan Ippho Right Santosa. actually, i don't really get excited of it. tapi yahh, hanya ingin mengisi waktu kosong, dan yahh, uang saya juga ikut terkuras, huhuhu. karena sebagai ganti, saat uang terisi, waktu kosong, saat waktu terisi, uang kosong. ia kan? hwhw. nahhh, forget it. karena itulah, saya menghadiri seminar ini. alasannya? simple, saya penasaran seperti apa itu seminar, dan saya penasaran siapa itu merry riana. ugh, yeah, forgot to mention, gramedia jg buka stand di sana, di Lavender Hall, menjual buku Merry Riana (that finally i bought Mimpi Sejuta Dolar karena penasaran sama kisah hidupnya sekalian minta tanda-tangan dan foto bareng juga. haha.) kunci menuju kesuksesan? banyak. berani, disiplin, membuka pikiran, menghindari pikiran buruk, berani memutuskan, dan yakin kalo kita bisa. entahlah, mungkin...

Mood : SUPER DUPER HAPPY!!! Listen to : NOTHING BUT HUMMING~~~ XDDD FINALLY!!! THE BOOK I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR HAS ARRIVED THIS MORNING IN MY FRIEND'S HOUSE!!!! XDDD I HOPE I CAN FINISH IT TOMORROW!!! CAN'T WAIT CAN'T WAIT, SINCE IT'S MY FAVORITE AUTHOR, AND SHE/HE GAVE HER/HIS AUTOGRAPH FOR THOSE WHO DID THE PRE-ORDER!!! XDDD THIS IS THE COVER!!! (taken from internet) I'LL CAPTURE SOME PHOTOS WHEN I GET MY BOOK!!! XDDD SO, THAT'S THE EUPHORIA OF ME! :P I'LL MAKE THE REVIEW IN DETAILS IF I LOVE THIS BOOK~ :D BUT , FROM SOME REVIEWS, THEY SAID THAT THIS BOOK MADE THEM CRYING OVER IT. SO, THAT'S SAD ENDING! I DON'T LIKE SAD ENDING, BUT I WISH THIS BOOK CAN CHANGE MY MIND ABOUT KIND OF SAD ENDING... I'M SO HAPPY TILL I WRITE ALL OF IT USE CAPSLOCK! HAVE FUN EVERYONE!!! XDD

OH LALALALALALALALA~ I'M SOOOOOOOO HYSTERIIIIICCCC WHILEEE I'M WATCHINGGGG THISSSSSSSS!!!! YOU SHOULD WATCH THISSSSS!!! ADAM COUPLEEEE!!! <3 WHY DON'T YOU TWO JUST GET MARRIED AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTERRRR~~~??? *STILL IN HYSTERIC MODE* Mood : HYSTERIC!!! *BECAUSE OF THE VIDEO ABOVE!!!* Listen to : i'm watching to video above!!! oh lalalala, first I want to say HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR~~~ GONG XI XIN NIAN. XIN NIAN KUAI LE. SHEN TI JIAN KANG. WAN SHE RUI. GONG XI FAT CHOI!!! XDDDD *angpao na laiiii~~~* khukhukhu~ i'm so happy for today that i met one of my cousin (because she lives in Singapore, so she rarely comes back here), she told some of her story, we all (my family and her family) were laughing sooo loud 'till my uncle had to tell us to be quiet because he got a telephone). this is my first year without my beloved cousin, ce Ria. usually, she accompanied me when our big family has gathered, because i used to be shy and quiet girl, but ...

Mood : so-so Listen to : Top Girl - G.NA oh la la~ apakah hidup itu harus penuh dengan dendam? hanya bingung aja. teman sekelas dan duduk di depan saya, tu cewe sepertinya tipe pendendam. apakah salah gue sebegitu besarnyakah sampe dia dendammmmm banget sama gue? musuhin gue cuma gara-gara gue ga ngasih dia contekan? cuma gara-gara gue ga sengaja nyenggol botol minumnya yg dingin dan berkondensasi dan jatuh menimpa kertas fotokopi ekonominya (padahal gue uda tawarin kertas baru yg tersisa dan botol itu kesenggol gw secara ga sengaja karena dia taruh di sudut meja, she's such a fool )? oh well, that's her problem. not mine. musuhin aja gue dan gue ga peduli, gue mau enjoy selama tahun terakhir gue. cuekin kalo gue senyum sama lo, padahal niat gue baik pengen lo ga , at least, kesel sama gue sampe tahun terakhir sekolah. kita juga bakal lulus, bakal pisah, apa salahnya mencoba menjaga hubungan pertemanan dengan baik? bukan dengan dendam dan rasa benci yang masih terus ada sa...

Mood : soooooo baddddddddd Listen to : IU - You & I (Last Fantasy Album) really really, I really hate this. toko bukunya boleh besar tapi jangan kayak gini dong pelayanan onlinenya. ga jelas gini. bayar aja minta cepet-cepet. ngga ada informasi yang jelas. sumpah, mending di toko buku online lain aja walopun mahalan dikit tapi pelayanannya bagus dan ngga minta bayar cepet-cepet kayak gini. kayak takut bakal dibatalin aja. padahal uda pesen banyak. geezzzzzzzzz. I'm gonna kill one of their admins! yak yak yak, sudahlah, smoga babe mau transferin, geez, bates akhir hari minggu, and what can I do when the bank opens on Monday not Sunday? If it were my dad's bank, I would transfer it today, right now!!! but actually not. pokoke saya kesel kesel kesel. sumpah, sekali ini aja gue pesen di sini.

Mood : feel sorry huwaaa, I felt sorry really for my rude words yesterday in facebook message with my friends. i was mad since she talked like that (i can't explain why). that i replied her message so rude but with some jokes. hope she didn't get angry easily like me. actually, she's my ex-classmate. :/ o my god, i'm in hurry right now. should finish the book review for indonesia assignment, since i'm not a good writer, it must be in mess, but i'll try my best to fix every thing. >.< oh double sh*t, next monday, i'll have final exam for semester 1. wish me luck. but i even hvn't studied yet. duh. i wrote in abbrv. today. so many maybe. i'm in hurry. #panicccccc

Mood : feel sorry Listen to : Brown Eyed Girls - Sixth Sense well, I felt sorry to my friends. really, i didn't mean it. i didn't mean to say that to show off or in a sarcasm way. just want to say it. sometimes, i know that my mouth act first than my head. i'm really sorry. wish she read this post. >.< and I know that lately i'm being so annoying. to be talkative. and i'm trying to be a quiet person. hope they won't hate me again. aaaa. life is so difficult lately. :( i always wish for simple thing, but why God haven't made it come true? it's simple, i want everybody be friend with me. i wish i didn't hurt them from my words or else. aaaaaaaaa. i don't know i don't know. :((

Mood : baddddddddddddddd Listen to : Gumiho's Theme -Fox Rain- My Girlfriend is Gumiho OST Tahukah Anda bahwa kebenaran itu lebih menyakitkan daripada kebohongan? Oke, saya lebih suka kebenaran yg pahit daripada kebohongan yg manis, karena ujung-ujungnya sama-sama menjadi pahit juga. Jadi lebih baik mengecap pahit itu terlebih dahulu, lalu memprosesnya dan beradaptasi dengan rasa pahit itu daripada dikejutkan dari rasa manis ke rasa pahit! Ya! Saya mendapat berita ga mengenakkan dari adik saya. Teman adik saya ini mengatai adik saya tapi make ngatain saya juga. Apa reaksi Anda ketika mendengar ini? Adik saya marah-marah sama temannya (yang untungnya cowo, tapi cukup nyenyes) karena mengatakan hal yg ga ada benernya. Tapi, temennya ini membela diri bahwa ia mendengar dari seorang teman saya yang mengatakan bahwa saya itu nyenyes, cerewet, dsb. Ya ampun, saya ga menyangka bahwa teman saya (yg saya anggap teman baik) mengatakan hal demikian di hadapan orang lain tetapi tidak to ...

Mood : Happy~ Listen to : Maaya Sakamoto-Triangular yeay~ lately I'm so happy since last time I watched 'Lie to Me' which was starred by Yoon Eun Hye! well, I love her acting and in this film, her acting is good. I like it but it seems to much look like Princess Hours, which she played as the main actress in it, and the role is kinda same. use necklace or ring to accept the proposal. I think the director seems influent by Princess Hours :| but still. I love her acting. I felt emotionally when watching the drama. aaaa. I really wanna work in tourism! andddd. finally, it's SEA GAMES! we will have holiday for 3 days, but it's okay! it's more than enough! at least I could rest and relax, forget about the assignment because I'll finish it all tonight! so I could sleep along the day~ :D oh heaven~ oh, I have planned what I'm gonna do in holiday. maybe karaoke *this one, I was just asked by my friends, but they doesn't know if the road will be blocked or no...