Journal 127 : friends

hola~ it has been a long time since i'm writing. not in the mood to write.

i was thinking about friends. i was wondering, why i have so many people being called as "my friends" when i talk to other people, yet i don't feel the sense of belonging with those people. why those people are simply and easily being called as my friends when i don't ever feel their presence, when i don't ever think about them whenever i need companion. i can't even think who are the closest to me, who are simply just wanna be my friends and won't demand something from me, those who are just gonna fade away after one time introduction.

who are you, my friends? i guess i have no friends. it's hard to have friends. you must have the similar hobbies and all, and actually, face to face, distance , time make most of it to bond people in friendship and i don't have it all. it's hard for me to be involved in face to face conversation. i'm seriously bad in small talk. my socialization level is just 5 out of 100. i'm good in introduction, but if it needs second step , i'm so done. and it makes me feel like the only side who needs to make effort to create this friendship bond. and in the middle of the way, i'll stop myself in making effort, and you guys , those people who called themselves as my friends just gone. in the end of the day, we will just say hi and bye at the same minute. it feels empty , right?

so i won't call of them as my friends. colleagues, acquaintances, housemates, family ties, but no friends. friends are so limited. even they are the most closest, it seems time and distance makes the bond loose.

this is what i get from thinking who can accompany me to spa and seeing my facebook friends which reached to number of 500-ish and i'm wondering, among 500ish, who are the true friends.