.::my long journey::.

well, here I am new city, new ambiance was thinking if I will ever fit in this loneliness somehow succumb me into the next level life was never always beautiful too happy makes you drown without realizing life goes on so does time before I always think I have it all but now, reality crashes in and I don't know what to do people don't trust easily when you show your heart on your sleeve you gotta put on the same mask and they will feel uneasy no more so I put my heads up well I am trying to tell myself to put myself first tell myself to love myself in this lonely city so that I won't think of depending on anyone hey, isn't this part of growing up? you come and go they come and go those who stays, will stay forever but some will move on indeed, life goes on and here I am starting over hopefully, I can survive this and be the champion myself proud of.

Today is a very bad day for me. I cried my sadness just now and now I can't see my laptop screen without it feels too bright or too dark while wearing my glasses. It's a tough first day of new semester. Actually, it is my final semester now. You know what, final semester means you passed the awkward moment you had with your classmates, but it seems that my first impression on them was not good enough for them to regard me as merely a good person. (I just met my new classmates in third semester, now is my sixth semester). Apparently , they remembered it so well that I broke their heart last year, by my foolish act and their stinginess (if there is any noun for stingy). and I thought it was already OK until this morning when this girl mentally knocked me off by saying "so Jessica, you only follow the crowd..." saying it with a judging tone. well, here I will explain why she said that to me when the class in a silence state of group discussion. How do you feel to come...

It has been 3 years now since I'm studying abroad. At first, I was good with this condition, you know, I feel proud of myself that I can live alone, independently, without my family, especially my mom always by my side. Now, after I came back from a long holiday from my hometown, I feel the loneliness. It is very lonely, you know, to have no one who you can share your story, who will tell you a story that can make you laugh, think and give opinions about. I will warn you first that this post is made out of my homesickness today. I missed my family, they are, I realized, the best thing that ever happened to my life, the best thing I've ever had, and the most important part of me. I might say something bad about them in the past, to show my unsatisfactory towards them, but they are the most I loved, love, and will ever love. hahaha, I used so many tenses, eh? Time past, gradually, eventually, and I hope I will graduate faster and can come back hometown and meet them again, alt...

hola~ it has been a long time since i'm writing. not in the mood to write. i was thinking about friends. i was wondering, why i have so many people being called as "my friends" when i talk to other people, yet i don't feel the sense of belonging with those people. why those people are simply and easily being called as my friends when i don't ever feel their presence, when i don't ever think about them whenever i need companion. i can't even think who are the closest to me, who are simply just wanna be my friends and won't demand something from me, those who are just gonna fade away after one time introduction. who are you, my friends? i guess i have no friends. it's hard to have friends. you must have the similar hobbies and all, and actually, face to face, distance , time make most of it to bond people in friendship and i don't have it all. it's hard for me to be involved in face to face conversation. i'm seriously bad in small t...

I just finished watching 5 centimeters per second / 秒速5センチメートル / byosoku 5 centimeter and it makes me so saddd and emoooooo (need to hit the wall to feel manly again). The story is about 2 childhood friends who actually love each other, however, the distance did them apart, letters between them can't even close the distance between their heart. in the end, one of them decided to move on, while the other one is still lingering to meet the other. However, they made it through, they moved on, and it is so sad that I expected them to meet and live happily together :'( and the good choice of song, I love it. really pictured me back then.. lol. if you are in a stage you need to move on, or you are so free that have nothing to do, just watch this movie, so nice and touching. :'( here is the OST: Masayoshi Yamazaki - One More Time, One More Chance Original / Romaji Lyrics kore ijyou nani wo ushinaeba kokoro wa yurusareru no dore hodo no itaminaraba mou ich...

It has been a long time since I wrote the last post. How am I doing? I am doing good until last week. The turnover event is quite shocking, even for me. It is hard to believe that some people just never listen enough to what others said and make a twist of fate. Let me tell you the story.... I have a regional trip project upcoming next month. apparently, we are going to depart the end of next month. So, we, all of us, classmates, planning for this trip, making the proposal. The truth behind the proposal is, they handle all of it. no words of help.. I don't know... I don't know if they need my help, or it's just they think I won't help them. I'm kind of passive person, I won't offer, unless you ask. and I'm a person with a difficulty to say no, so of course I will help you as long as it's within my capability.

I have crossed with so many people who wish to be respected but never try to see themselves and respect others first. I hate it when they pointed me as I sometimes don't really answer people to their stupid chatty chat. Sometimes, they speak nonsense. I do speak nonsense, but always in the right time. This person, however, treat people as if they are lower than her. What's with that gesture? petting other's head as if they are your dog? do you wish us to be obedient towards you? it might be my angry side, but seriously, it's not respectful, especially head is the highest part of human. and moreover, with that command tone, do you wish me to follow your order? sorry, I do what I want to do, not because I obey you. It quite angered me, but I tried to forget those things, telling myself that it's so childish to get angry over simple thing (for others). well, i'm over it now, and i'm in the midst of editing my pic from C2AGE last weekend. :))) so nice that ...

Wake up in the morning, feeling like to do anything with my laptop and end up having an urge to update my blog. Nee, it has been a while, right? :D and suddenly I got this idea because of one word "feisty". I never know its meaning until I crossed over it yesterday in a novel and because I was soooo curious of its meaning, I searched it in Google and said: spirited, excitable(?), on the other hand it could be mean, easily angered. well, I think, people who have this feisty character must be full of spirit (me too me too!) and feeling like to change my blog link to that name. lol. I was very busy lately (finally I admit it

Sebagaimana yang kita tahu, (ceile, bahasanyaa bukkk), internship itu magang, magang berarti kamu mencoba mencari pengalaman di dunia bekerja, dan namanya magang dan sebagai seorang trainee, gaji kamu bahkan ngga mencukupi buat makan sehari-hari. ngga usah makan, transport pulang pergi tempat kerja aja kadang melebihi gaji kamu, which is di bawah standar UMR. Mending kalo kamu digaji, kalo ngga digaji tapi disuruh-suruh kerja ini itu kayak babu gimana? Ribet kan? Menurut saya, magang itu adalah dimana orang-orang intelek yang masih fresh graduate <strikethrough> kayak rumput baru dipotong buat dikasih makan sapi</strikethrough) buat nyari pengalaman kerja dengan terjun secara coba-coba di dunia kerja dalam jangka waktu yang pendek. Kalau kamu pikir magang itu sesuai dengan apa yang dikatakan bos atau dari pihak kampusmu, bahwa kamu akan mempelajari banyak hal di suatu perusahaan secara bertahap, sebaiknya kamu jangan berharap lebih dengan memikirkan bahwa dengan sekali maga...

First post in 2014! yeay yeay yeay! First of all, I wanna say, Happy New Year 2014!!! Yohoooo~ hope in this new year, we are all given a very happy, joyous, and prosperous year ahead us. wish everyone a merry christmas 2013 too, couldn't post for December 2013 because I have no internet in my house. it's okay, I didn't feel too frustrated, I enjoy my holiday, spending my time with my family, converse more with them more than what I can do if I still have internet at home. now, i am back to the place called 2nd home. haha. i have to start my internship after new year, and here i am, 3rd day, drained out of energy. hahaha. i can't even think what I want to write here. actually, i thought of things that I want to post here, but I forgot them already.

Listening to: Ariana Grande ft. Nathan Sykes - Almost is Never Enough happy bday to meee, yeayyyy!! actually yesterday is my birthday, and i feel so sad that none of my close friends remember my birthday, while I remember theirs. I know I didn't put my birthday in fb, but then, I was hoping they would remember. this year is the loneliest one. :( i don't want to remember my birthday for next year, it seems that no one would celebrate it except my family (if i can go back on my birthday). well, i supposed to buy myself a cake and a present. but it's okay. :) i still have my family who loves me. today is

after a while, I realized, I supposed to ask the person whether they want their pic to be posted or tagged in Facebook. for me, I always thought that well, i am the one who took the picture, so it supposed to be my right to post it or not, but when the reality hits, the object is the one who has the full right to asked the photographer take it down or let it be. I am okay if the person that I took the picture wants me to take down their pictures, but I really hate it when they used inappropriate words such as fuck , shit, and their other family relation. do you think taking your picture worth your insults? NO! if you want me to take it down, just write you don't want to be tagged, or you want me to delete the picture, i will obey it. simple as that. some of people that i took the pictures are my friends, but I hate to say that even friends, i won't simply accept the insults. people never want to be in others's shoes, but they always want us in their shoes. it's hard to...

the scenery beside the main house homestay. breathtaking isn's it? <3 sorry for the blur, there was water on my lens and I did not recognize enjoying the breeze~ playing kites! (layang-layang) here is Homestay Kampung Sungai Haji Dorani. pretty hibiscus <3 2 days 1 night which is more like a floating dream for me since i don't really think that i want to wake up from my nice dream. seriously, i love the living in village, it's very calm and relax, no rush, when you listen to music, all the music you want to hear is already in the nature. and i feel quite guilty when i turned on my phone to listen to the music in my phone. it's just the situation inside the van is so quite, and i can't stand quietness. I'm very serious that all you want to hear is the sound of birds, insects, the leaves that rub against each other by the wind, and the sound of the wind itself. ah, forgot to mention that I stayed in Kampung Sungai Haji Dorani H...

Playlist: Narsha - I'm in Love. (bukan karna saya lagi fall in love, tapi karna lagunya bagus aja)

I guess I found the answer now. I'm afraid of being hurt. Nah, nevermind. 'tis just my realization tonight while looking at window in the bus and reflect upon what happen today. I tend to avoid people who try to get close with me. What I said in my brain was treat this person nicely, answer them in polite way, but yeah, in the end I end up answering them in hmm, quite rude way, and I can't even make any further conversation with them. and shoot, I think there is something wrong with me that I tend to avoid people. why? and I guess I will take the counselling session again. :'( Btw, happy halloween everyone! It supposed to be yesterday, but I just celebrated it today with bunch of my friends in anime society. Well, every time I'm telling people that I join anime society, it feels like they see it as a kids community. I hate how they already think that way without even experiencing it. and I feel like I find a balance between PATA-MTSC and Anime Society, when PATA ...

what I learnt today is don't get amazed and make conclusion too fast. I guess this weaknesses of mine makes me break my heart more often. lol. sometimes I like to make this perception of man that they are nice to you, they tease you because they like you. maybe they like you, but in friendly way, not romantically. and now i think i will close my heart for awhile, until i think it's the time to open again. but, it's very easy to impress me. just make me laugh, i will definitely like this person. because i like people who can make me happy. don't you agree? you would want a person you will spend most of your time makes you always happy, right? and i think, i don't wanna be close with people, because when they leave you, it wouldn't feel so lonely. i just want to prevent closeness. it's difficult to trust and close with others, and when there is a problem, it's very easy to break away and separated. i finished watching Music & Lyrics just now, led b...

It has been a long time I did not write in my blog (one month is considered as long for me though). I supposed that maybe because I start writing in my notebook now, I think I prefer writing with pen rather than typing it in blog. but sometimes, because it's already such a tradition for me since 2009 I think, when I start this blog, I tend to miss writing in my blog. teehee. even now, I'm getting busier than ever, ehm, i mean, busier than last semester. hahaha. this month is more, because it's like starting this week i have to go out of town, and PIYF is getting closer and so many things need to be done, and i think the project leader doesn't trust me to handle things because I look so blur. well, she did put me in when I'm in bad condition, the bad thing today is i just finished my CRM presentation, and I tend to blur for a day after presentation.

Have you ever thought about yourself in 5 years later, 8 years later, or maybe 10 years later? I just remembered this question from my accounting lecturer. She asked us to think about ourselves in the future, create the 5 top list and send it to her in e-mail, and until now, I still haven't done it. hahahahaha. I hope she didn't forget this, as I attended to send her this list soon. and now I was thinking, what am I going to be in 5 years.

not that really meeting, it's just he became the emcee for the meet&greet of Jason Chen and Clara C in my campus today. I think most of teenager in malaysia know jinnyboy. i really like that guy, i'm even more eager to take picture with him rather than Jason Chen (sorry jasonnn, because you are out of reach and i didn't get the chance to meet&greet with you personally). so, in the end of the meet &greet , my friend took picture with jin, and i really wanted to, thank God, i took picture with him after asking can i take picture with you many times. i know he's busy but at that time i really can't keep myself calm. back home, i reflect that i became so annoying at that time. i think i realized at that time that maybe he got annoyed but professionally he keep smiling and told us to wait for a while. and i feel that i have to say i'm sorry to jin for pushing him to take picture with him. haha. so unfeminine for me to beg to people even to the annoying l...

I just finished 3 exams and still have 4 more exams to go. but now i'm enjoying myself first. hihihi. i already watched Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadow, and now I'm watching Something Borrowed. seems like a movie marathon and it starts with S? lol. coincidentally. I can't give any comment since Sherlock Holmes is damn nice, and I keep being awed by the movie, especially the story and Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law's acting. They are so amazing, that I was thinking it's such a nice pair even though I still prefer Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman. I love Martin Freeman as Dr. Watson, he simply like pop out from my imagination about Dr. Watson though I haven't read the novel itself. It seems for me if there are so many movies about one book, I won't waste my time to read it unless it's really worth it. I'm not saying that Sherlock Holmes is not worth it, it's different case. I just can't afford to buy the series or the compilation book...