.::my long journey::.

the title up there must make your curiosity up. everyone must be wondering, are you in a relationship? with who? when? how do you meet with your partner? and many other questions will come up. but sorry, i'm not in relationship now. but i really wanna talk about this topic tonight since it also make me soooo curious. i have so many questions about relationship. how do you know each other, how do you guys come up with the idea being in a relationship, who ask to go out first, who propose first, why would you accept/reject them, and many others. i admit it that i have never been in relationship (romance way) with anyone before, so i'm very curious and want to start mine. i don't know how people can go out together, what do you like from him/her, why you guys can go out together for many years and not even feeling bored to each other because usually in relationship you will look at each other a lot, every day, or even every time.

I just realized today when I did group discussion with my classmates for our assignment. Before, I always thought that I can do everything, I understand everything, I'm smarter than them. In fact, they are better than me and I have to lower my over-confident, see others and look into myself and I lack so many things. I'm too proud of myself so I don't really respect others. I read Tuesdays With Morrie, and I realize, I never gave all of myself to listen to what others think and talk about. I'm lack in listening, I speak too much, and I want to learn from my mistakes. I want to listen more, although actually I want to speak more (because I'm always quiet and talk to myself and when someone ask me to speak about things, I can't stop myself to share. hahaha.) I want to change myself, I want to be more talkative, listen to others carefully, out from my safe shell, I want to express myself but not too much, I want to try to learn from others because they are more ...

i dunno why, but lately i make so many thoughts. i was thinking that it's better for me to enjoy my loneliness, although yeah i know i miss contact with people. lol. it's not that i become anti social, but now i think i will make distance between me and other people for awhile. life is not easy lately, and i have to finish my assignment, deadline is coming, and i feel too crowded also lately. i also don't have so many stories to tell about to my friends. they are still my friends , but if they forget me while i'm hibernating, it's okay, i can always find another friends. :) and you know what, i just found out that i have collection of pen drive. 2GB, 4GB, 8GB and 16GB, i have it all. hahaha. 2GB and 8GB are from my dad, he said it's better for me to have another pen drive, in case the other is lost, and i got 4GB from quiz, and 16GB because we (my class) has "a lot of" money from our tour. it's not because we make profit, but we 'give' p...

it has been a long time i write in this blog. usually I produced (?) almost 10 posts every month, but now i rarely write anything because of the activities , campus, assignment, everything messed up , and i don't have any idea what I can share in my blog. and recently, i don't have anything interesting to tell except my loneliness in this foreign country and no friend to tell but writing in this blog. but i didn't want to share it because i don't want everyone who read this blog feel sad or depressed. i just want to share happiness and good news to everyone, because we deserve it. we need to forget the negative part and move on with the positive part, but you know, it's not life if everything is not balance. there is always the negative part, along with the positive part. and i just (now) realized and remembered what the bhante in my vihara before said, life is like a wheel. you will always rotate no matter when, up or down, and maybe my position in my life now is ...

mood : tired now playing : jeff bernat ft. geologic of blue scholars - call you mine kayaknya tahun ini lagi ga produktif nulis-nulis. hahaha. dan entah kenapa, semakin lama, saya merasa kehilangan diri sendiri. ga tau kenapa, rasanya saya yang sekarang bukanlah seorang saya. saya merasa, bahwa saya ngga bisa lagi mengerti orang lain, atau mungkin orang lain menganggap saya aneh? ngga tahu juga. pokoknya ada yang berbeda. mungkin saya yang berubah, mungkin orang lain juga berubah. makanya beda. mood, tired. ya, saya capek akhir2 ini. capek fisik dan batin. fisik, saya harus ngerjain konser, punya negara orang, ga dibayar, tapi harus sibuk ngurus ini ngurus itu, ngabisin pulsa buat nelpon sama sms orang2, para performers, emailin smua orang yang berkaitan sama konser ini, tapi yang paling aneh, saya ngga tau apa2 soal konser, tiba2, pluk, kamu jadi activities and entertainment manager, dan lebih aneh lagi, teman2 sekelas saya yang jadi manager juga malah makin menjauh dari saya....

mood : kelabakan listen  to : EunJi, Seo In Guk - All For You sebenarnya sih males mau pake huruf kapital kapital gini, mana saya lagi makan pake tangan, takut keyboard lengket lengket, wajar aja kalo sekarang belum ada tanda tanda yg jauh jauh atau yg butuh shift *ngacir cuci tangan dlu* sesuai judulnya, hidup itu ga sesuai perkiraan, ada kejutannya, dan kejutannya kecil-kecil, tpi kadang besar banget. hari ini, saya menyangka bahwa hari-hari saya akan aman-aman aja, nyatanya, saya takut bahwa salah satu teman saya akan membenci saya. Saya selalu paranoid, apalagi dalam friendship dan relationship. ga bisa tenang deh kalo mereka udah behave di luar kebiasaan. pasti ngerasa takut, gimana yaa, dia ga bales skype aku, tadi pas aku ngomong sama dia mukanya masem gtu. Saya selalu takut sudah menyakiti perasaan orang. Ini sebenarnya mungkin akibat dari masa lalu saya. Saya jadi takut ngomong. Takut kalo saya ngomong begini, responnya ga baik, ngomong itu tar dikira ngejek.

Mood : FREEDOM!!! *fire* Kalo ada yang bilang pengen cepet-cepet kuliah, itu aku orangnya. Tapi kalo ada yg bilang pengen cepet-cepet selesaiin kuliah, itu aku juga orangnya. Ayo tanya kenapa. Karena baru semester 1, saya sudah seperti orang gila. Kurang tidur, makan ga teratur, ngerjain tugas sampe tengah malem, dikejer ujian tengah semester, belum lagi harus ngerencanain project dan partisipasi dalam 1 event. Saya kelabakan. sumpah.

Mood : head-ache, back-ache Listen to : Hey Girl - B1A4 I don't want to welcome October! But I have to, if i want to meet November and January. Oh shoot, why October comes so fast. I need a break. but i think my break is also already too long (so many connecting words in 1 sentence). I wish i can do my mid-sem test with good score. get a good marks for all subject, although it just 2.9, i'll try hard to make it 3.0 for next semester. I wish i can get my own break on November. I wanna go to Central Market to buy some souvenirs, I wanna go to PC Fair to buy camera, I want to go to Sungei Wang or Bukit Bintang to buy some clothes and sandal (i need some new clothes now), I wanna try to drink in Starbucks (although it costs me 2 times of my lunch and dinner), I wanna save some money through part-time work but i know i can't take it for this 1st semester, when i really desperately wanna go back to my hometown.

Entah kenapa, hari ini tiba-tiba teringat satu mimpi saya dulu. Dan saya jadi pengen menceritakan semua mimpi saya. Semua berawal dari keinginan saya untuk jadi diplomat saat saya masih kelas 6 SD. Kenapa diplomat? Karena saya dulu pengen banget keliling dunia. Sepertinya asik saja merasakan kebebasan, bertemu banyak orang, pergi ke banyak tempat. Dan timbul pemikiran saat itu, kalo saya ga jadi diplomat, saya ingin jadi tour guide, jadi tujuan saya nanti kuliah inginnya hubungan internasional atau sastra inggris. Saat itu saya belum mengenal adanya jurusan pariwisata hingga saya SMA kelak. Saat SMP, pikiran saya masih dipenuhi dengan ide keliling dunia –hingga sekarang masih ada kok :D. Dan karena ide itu, saya malah jatuh cinta sama pelajaran IPS terutama sejarah. Ide ini masih melekat, dan saya jadi giat belajar bahasa inggris (dulu sewaktu SD, kami baru dikenalkan dengan bahasa inggris, pertama kalinya di sekolah kami saat angkatan saya, saat kelas 6 SD) karena ingin bisa kel...

mood: bored apa yang kamu pikirkan tentang giveaway?? kalo kamu suka giveaway, berarti kamu orang yang beruntung, sering menang giveaway. walopun saya suka giveaway, kadang saya membencinya, apalagi kalo ga menang tu giveaway. walopun sudah merasa berjuang keras, tapi mungkin faktor luck saya kurang besar. atau mungkin supaya bisa menang giveaway itu ada syaratnya? bisa ga kalian yang sering menang giveaway share sama saya gimana saya bisa menang giveaway? kadang saya merasa pesimis dan punya banyak pikiran negatif bahwa yang bisa menang giveaway cuma orang-orang tertentu yang punya hubungan dengan si pengada giveaway. sebel sekali kalo itu memang kenyataannya, but i can't judge it before i knew the fact.. nah bahwa faktanya, fakta itu pun sulit untuk didapatkan. apa yg bisa saya lakukan? bahwa mungkin saya akan semakin terjatuh ke jurang kenegatifan. tapi saya menolak untuk itu. saya ingin berjuang, demi buku gratis! hahaha. walau kenyataan ga semudah itu. :( wish me a very BI...

Rooftop Prince hanya selayang pandang, bukan review beneran kok. Finished watching Rooftop Prince. Banyak yang berspekulasi kalo di episode terakhir, Park Ha bertemu Lee Gak. Padahal kalo saya amati sebenernya dia ketemu sama Tae Yong, karena Tae Yong ngasi dia kartu pos yang ada gambar Park Ha, sedangkan Lee Gak ga bisa menggambar seperti Tae Yong. Kesalahan kecil dari episode terakhir di Namsan Tower yang membuat penonton tambah bingung adalah gaya Yoochun berdiri masih memegang tangan di belakang (itu gayanya Lee Gak), sementara Tae Yong tidak melakukannya. Jadi banyak yg mengira Park Ha bertemu Lee Gak. Nah, soal setelah pegangan tangan itu, karena Park Ha masih belum bisa melupakan Lee Gak, suami yang telah meninggalkannya kembali ke Joseon, bukan berarti Park Ha ketemu sama Lee Gak lagi. Jadi, Park Ha melihat diri Lee Gak di dalam Tae Yong, yang wajar sih karena Tae Yong kan reinkarnasi Lee Gak. Duhh, sedih sama endingnya. Walaupun berpisah, aku akan selalu mencintaimu ...

Listen to : You're The Only One - Kim Soo Hyun (The Moon That Embraces The Sun OST) Akhir-akhir ini lagi sering menulis diary, walopun ga kayak diary biasa, soalnya cuma nulis di agenda gituu. hahaha. tapi asik juga menumpahkan uneg-uneg lewat tulisan. capek sih, tapi capek juga kalo ngetik. salah ngetik juga mesti ngapus kan? kalo nulis, coret aja sekali. tulis ulang. hihihi. sekalian memperbaiki tulisan yang sudah mulai jelek akibat jarang nulis selama liburan. dan yahh, kebiasaan baru saya ini dimulai semenjak saya patah hati. daripada sarana saya menumpahkan perasaan lewat Twitter dan mengganggu di timeline, sebaiknya saya tulis aja. saya menulisnya sih dalam bahasa Inggris biar sekeluarga ngga tau tentang apa yang saya tulis. dikira saya lagi latihan Writing buat TOEFL/IELTS gituu. haha. sebenarnya kalo nulis diary udah dari kecil. udah 2 agenda saya habiskan jadi diary. yahh, saya kan kurang bisa memaksimalkan fungsi agenda seperti orang kantoran pas saya SD, jadi saya...

kalo kata Frank Zappa: "So many books so little time", kalo aku so many books so little money i have. yeahh, that's true. soalnya saya punya waktu yang banyak untuk dihabiskan sama novel2, cuma saya lagi hmmm, bokek. yah, terkuras karena diajak karaoke mulu sama temen, dan saat end up di gramedia, uang saya mulai berkurang dan yahhh, skarang keluar buku baru yang ingin saya baca, malah kekurangan budget. ngerti kan gimana rasanya saat kamu pengen banget sama sesuatu tapi kamu ga mampu memenuhi keinginan itu. ah yaa, lagi pengen beli novel Karla M. Nashar, Dahlian, sama terbitan gagasmedia punya. entah kenapa kurang interested in gpu's one. yahh. saya lagi bosen sama teenlit. entah kenapa karena sering baca yg sejenis young adult, saya malah males sama teenlit. saat baca teenlit malah kelihatan "kok dangkal banget sih ceritanya?" hwhw. jadi akhirnya, saya lebih ke arah metropop skarang. ah! lini Amore dari GPU juga bagus. sukses dibikin tertarik sama Bella ...

Mood : Sleepy Listen to : Yiruma - 기억에 머무르다 ( Stay In Memory) sebenarnya hari ini saya menghadiri seminar yang menghadirkan 2 motivator Indonesia yaitu Merry Riana dan Ippho Right Santosa. actually, i don't really get excited of it. tapi yahh, hanya ingin mengisi waktu kosong, dan yahh, uang saya juga ikut terkuras, huhuhu. karena sebagai ganti, saat uang terisi, waktu kosong, saat waktu terisi, uang kosong. ia kan? hwhw. nahhh, forget it. karena itulah, saya menghadiri seminar ini. alasannya? simple, saya penasaran seperti apa itu seminar, dan saya penasaran siapa itu merry riana. ugh, yeah, forgot to mention, gramedia jg buka stand di sana, di Lavender Hall, menjual buku Merry Riana (that finally i bought Mimpi Sejuta Dolar karena penasaran sama kisah hidupnya sekalian minta tanda-tangan dan foto bareng juga. haha.) kunci menuju kesuksesan? banyak. berani, disiplin, membuka pikiran, menghindari pikiran buruk, berani memutuskan, dan yakin kalo kita bisa. entahlah, mungkin...

hey, it's already May, but shall I say "Hello May"? because I haven't greeted May! hoho. this afternoon, i spent my time by watching Friends with Benefits and X-Men First Class. oh my God!!! can I say that I love the last one? XMFC is SOMETHING! hahaha. since i'm a fan of James McAvoy from his previous movie, Atonement, I found out that he doesn't lose his skill in this film, which is amaze me with his acting, and of course his charisma. but Michael Fassbender also gave me some shocks at the last minutes of XMFC. hohoho. they made me wondering till the end of the movie. 4.5 of 5 for this movie. well, the 0.5 for i don't really understand about this movie. ughhhh. i'm sorry. TT about Friends with Benefits, ugh, can I say it kinda same with No Strings Attached? well, kind of friends-just-for-sex, and i felt uh no, so many bed scenes! i admit it that i enjoy it but i also think that it's just too much. hwhw. yeahhhh, but (so many but) i love ...