.::my long journey::.

Today is a very bad day for me. I cried my sadness just now and now I can't see my laptop screen without it feels too bright or too dark while wearing my glasses. It's a tough first day of new semester. Actually, it is my final semester now. You know what, final semester means you passed the awkward moment you had with your classmates, but it seems that my first impression on them was not good enough for them to regard me as merely a good person. (I just met my new classmates in third semester, now is my sixth semester). Apparently , they remembered it so well that I broke their heart last year, by my foolish act and their stinginess (if there is any noun for stingy). and I thought it was already OK until this morning when this girl mentally knocked me off by saying "so Jessica, you only follow the crowd..." saying it with a judging tone. well, here I will explain why she said that to me when the class in a silence state of group discussion. How do you feel to come...

I remember it so clear when I was young, still in high school, it's like 5 and half years ago, I had this wild imagination of helping my friends and getting my own chance to finally get close to this person. I made a bizarre , stupid lie to that person, and somehow, that lie made us become further than before. We never spoke to each other anymore, not even chatting through social media. That person, might not be my first crush, but I remembered that I like that person because that person is fun, cute, kind and good to many people. I like that person because that person is unique, that person made me see that this world is not as boring and flat as I thought. Actually, I didn't regret it. I didn't regret that lie, because somehow, it was my childish way to get closer to that person. It was my one time chance to be with that person. but what can i do when that person was already together with my friend? I don't even know it, until one year passed. it was a big hit to me,...

Finally, my end semester... however, the end is still quite long way to go and I need to face the biggest obstacle ever happen in my uni life: DISSERTATION. yes, that's what you need to do to graduate from uni, get to go to your convocation, finally leaving the uni for good, but you need to do an in-depth research of a topic that related to your course first. I think I'm in deep sh*t now as I'm very very bad in doing research.. I hate research, except for finding things that I'm interested in, although even I'm interested in one thing, I won't do a thorough research, just the surface. in-depth research is something I hate. I need to collect information and all and do the questionnaires, and before that I can't even think a single topic that I want to search since I'm a natural curious person. I'm curious in everything and after I knew about it, I will leave it alone and on quest to find other things. but I won't do in-depth findings, you got m...

It has been 3 years now since I'm studying abroad. At first, I was good with this condition, you know, I feel proud of myself that I can live alone, independently, without my family, especially my mom always by my side. Now, after I came back from a long holiday from my hometown, I feel the loneliness. It is very lonely, you know, to have no one who you can share your story, who will tell you a story that can make you laugh, think and give opinions about. I will warn you first that this post is made out of my homesickness today. I missed my family, they are, I realized, the best thing that ever happened to my life, the best thing I've ever had, and the most important part of me. I might say something bad about them in the past, to show my unsatisfactory towards them, but they are the most I loved, love, and will ever love. hahaha, I used so many tenses, eh? Time past, gradually, eventually, and I hope I will graduate faster and can come back hometown and meet them again, alt...