Journal 97

now, i am enjoying my life, alone (?), with my laptop and phone as my best friend (currently). i miss my family, miss my friends in hometown, miss everyone that I close with before. i hope everyone doesn't forget about me. i know i should move on, but it's difficult to make a move with this big difference and hindrance. i don't know who i should go with, friend with, even eat together with. and I realize I'm a quiet person. it's difficult for me to start a conversation naturally, even to talk with stranger, i don't feel good about it. not only stranger, to my classmates are also difficult, since from semester 1 we already create a group. it feels awkward to just go into another circle. so difficult until now i stop to try. i feel like just let anyone approach me since i'm already tired to try to approach people. i know i said to myself that i like challenge, but now i'm tired, can't i take a rest? sometimes i think, people around me are selfish, they want me to approach them, make afford, but later they just leave me alone, and it's not only tiring.

so, i spent most of my time with listening to music, watching Running Man , reading novels, and writing in this blog about what i want to share to my close friend. it's easy to make friend, but hard to make a close friend. you don't want to choose wrong person yet you need them faster.

heyy, talk about Running Man, Kim Jong Kook just came to Malaysia last Friday! he had showcase on friday in Sentul and meet&greet in Paradigm Mall. so sad that i don't have friend to go with so i just stayed at home watching running man. hahahaha. i asked some of my friends, they went there, but with their own friends.

and i really want to ask people, is there any manual book to make a close friend? because i like to follow manual book. although deep inside my brain (?) , i know there is no such book exist, or if it really exists, sure it will be a different case. everyone has no same characters. and here life, give us test to guess everyone's characters.

sometimes i even want to ask everyone, hey tell me what you want/expect from people, how do you want people talk to you, what you don't like from people, what are your interests, what should i do if you face certain mood (bad mood, very bad mood, angry). but you know, humans are not honest, even to themselves. i can't bother with it, since i'm also sometimes not that honest (if i'm being honest, people tend to get annoyed/angry)

and you know what, sometimes i even wish that some people face the same problem like me, so i don't feel being alone. hahahahhaa. but no, i just want and wish everyone (include me) lives happily and peacefully. that's what Buddha taught us, pray for everyone to live happily, peacefully.

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