13.12.12

Journal 87 : 2 days to go

to final exam. OTL. but it's near to christmas and new year, and i can't wait to go back to my hometown! can't wait to meet my familia and my friends. can't wait to eat a lot of foods that i'm craving so much during my stay here. i'm just away from home for 3 months and i felt already gone for 3 years. haha. each day passed has already been a long day. can't wait can't wait! *feel so excited*

but remembering exam makes me think to study hard so that i won't get re-sit. somehow, exam makes me feel full of spirit.

i feel so sad lately, that I always feel bad when i'm with my friends. i feel like it's not good for me to be around them. they make me think the worst of me when i'm around them. it's not good for my health, i think. so i decided, maybe to make a distant between me and my friends. i can't let them know more about my feeling again. i can't share it freely to them now. i have to think over first before i speak out. it will end to the bad result if i keep going to do the same thing as i did before. i feel insecure if i tell more about my feeling to them. they'll use it as weapon to go against me. i don't like to imagine it. my other classmate told me that i think too much, but i can't stop that feeling. that's my instinct. i can't be their follower, i don't like it. i never like being a follower. i can't easily say that i don't like them. i have to like them although i don't want, it's all for relation in the future.

come to the realization that exam is coming to the campus, along with year end sale (yeay!) , i wish i could shop as much as i want. but i know, i have to think that i didn't earn the money by myself. :D

i feel so relieved now that i can tell everything that already buried long long time ago inside my heart. although i prefer to tell it by speaking, not writing. haha. but yeah, it's enough.

i just remember that how i felt irritated last time by my friend. i want to ignore it but i can't, since she doesn't realize her own mistake although i already mocked her. maybe she has a thick skin (?)

ok, i feel better now, and time to end this bad talk. haha. study for exam now, can't fail!

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