mature?

re-reading my previous posts, i can say i rant a lot during this pandemic (or even before pandemic lol). i have no one to confide in. i know my best friend (well, more like childhood friend rather than best because i know...) that she will judge me childish, for complaining on such trivial things. my other close friends will hear about it, but i don't wanna complain a lot about my life to them, i know it tends to annoy people to listen to rants. 

but i can say that i'm being mature every day. i tried not to put it into heart every time my sis gave me snide remarks, my bro being his annoying self, my mom's complaining about me and my laziness. i think only my dad who is most quiet because everyone else has done the talking. 

also, i tried to ignore my sis every other day when she gave me side eye or rolling her eyes followed by razor-cut sentences. because, why do i want to react. it's not worth it. but other day, well, i'm just so annoyed that i will just keep quiet and trying hard not to punch her (just imagining the scene is quite satisfying).

anyway, i just experienced one of my "down" moments a few weeks ago. so i resorted to use this online health app. it's just so easy to consult with a psychologist/psychiatrist. but, i don't think we human can analyze our emotion and experience clearly when we are in such "down" situation. duh, i don't know how to explain the "down", but i hope you get what i mean. so yeah, i think i kinda mislead the diagnosis. but i do hope the doctor is not angry at me and forget me. 

was thinking if i can keep this blog, posting all my rants but keep it private?