Journal 116

Listening to: Ariana Grande ft. Nathan Sykes - Almost is Never Enough

happy bday to meee, yeayyyy!! actually yesterday is my birthday, and i feel so sad that none of my close friends remember my birthday, while I remember theirs. I know I didn't put my birthday in fb, but then, I was hoping they would remember. this year is the loneliest one. :( i don't want to remember my birthday for next year, it seems that no one would celebrate it except my family (if i can go back on my birthday). well, i supposed to buy myself a cake and a present. but it's okay. :) i still have my family who loves me.

today is


Journal 115: photograph

after a while, I realized, I supposed to ask the person whether they want their pic to be posted or tagged in Facebook. for me, I always thought that well, i am the one who took the picture, so it supposed to be my right to post it or not, but when the reality hits, the object is the one who has the full right to asked the photographer take it down or let it be. I am okay if the person that I took the picture wants me to take down their pictures, but I really hate it when they used inappropriate words such as fuck , shit, and their other family relation. do you think taking your picture worth your insults? NO! if you want me to take it down, just write you don't want to be tagged, or you want me to delete the picture, i will obey it. simple as that. some of people that i took the pictures are my friends, but I hate to say that even friends, i won't simply accept the insults. people never want to be in others's shoes, but they always want us in their shoes. it's hard to follow what the society wants nowadays, they are too demanding!


Journal 114: homestay

the scenery beside the main house homestay. breathtaking isn's it? <3 sorry for the blur, there was water on my lens and I did not recognize

enjoying the breeze~

playing kites! (layang-layang)

here is Homestay Kampung Sungai Haji Dorani.

pretty hibiscus <3
2 days 1 night which is more like a floating dream for me since i don't really think that i want to wake up from my nice dream. seriously, i love the living in village, it's very calm and relax, no rush, when you listen to music, all the music you want to hear is already in the nature. and i feel quite guilty when i turned on my phone to listen to the music in my phone. it's just the situation inside the van is so quite, and i can't stand quietness. I'm very serious that all you want to hear is the sound of birds, insects, the leaves that rub against each other by the wind, and the sound of the wind itself. ah, forgot to mention that I stayed in Kampung Sungai Haji Dorani Homestay in Sabak Bernam, Kuala Selangor. i stayed with Wak Tohid and family and their 3 cats. their cats are so cute. hahaa. btw, we are very happy that our  host family is very kind to us. to compare with my other friends, i and my 2 other friends were quite lucky because we got a lot of dishes for our lunch and dinner, even the breakfast we have 5 foods. I dunno how to finish all, and they really live on the quote abbout malaysians eating 5 times a day. they gave us breakfast, lunch, tea time, dinner, and the almost minum malam. we were very tired at that time, that's why we didn't take minum malam and night walking in paddy field. the most memorable is seeing fireflies!! there are lots of fireflies there and it really looks like christmas tree when they twinkle twinkle together. sadly, i can't capture a picture because it's too dark and i'm afraid if i use flash, they won't twinkle.

but the bad thing is i'm hardly able to sleep well. maybe because of the bed or the atmosphere doesn't feel the same as in my room now. although i turned off the lights and listen to music, i kept waking up every hour. ughh, i need to sleep again now. and another problem is, i hardly see my other friends. they were so inclusive that maybe i can never be able to be friend with them or even get into their circle. yeah, i can't blame them also, since they are all e, talk in same language (cantonese) and friends since they were in diploma. so i don't see any chances and yeah, it's better i don't really hope too much. leave everything as it be. being alone in class also not bad. ah the bad thing is only difficult to find group mate for group assignment :(

well, still, i really don't want to leave the homestay so fast. i like the fresh air there, it's damn fresh and cool rather than in the city. so green also (i guess i'm a total green lover)

i have to sleep naaaoooww~ by peepos!



Journal 113

Playlist: Narsha - I'm in Love. (bukan karna saya lagi fall in love, tapi karna lagunya bagus aja)


Journal 112

I guess I found the answer now. I'm afraid of being hurt. Nah, nevermind. 'tis just my realization tonight while looking at window in the bus and reflect upon what happen today. I tend to avoid people who try to get close with me. What I said in my brain was treat this person nicely, answer them in polite way, but yeah, in the end I end up answering them in hmm, quite rude way, and I can't even make any further conversation with them. and shoot, I think there is something wrong with me that I tend to avoid people. why? and I guess I will take the counselling session again. :'(

Btw, happy halloween everyone! It supposed to be yesterday, but I just celebrated it today with bunch of my friends in anime society. Well, every time I'm telling people that I join anime society, it feels like they see it as a kids community. I hate how they already think that way without even experiencing it. and I feel like I find a balance between PATA-MTSC and Anime Society, when PATA is more serious and I have fun in Anime Society. Well, I found a balance in my life already (maybe), although somehow, I don't feel comfortable in anime society, maybe because I'm new, and I don't really know many people, and they are also as introvert as me.

My other problem is I always taking bath late night. My mom, my sister, even my housemates asked me and told me why I take bath late night? It's not good for health, they said. but what can I do when the laziness just come over me? lol ( I always can find a reason in this problem )

well, I supposed to wash my face now. hiks, but I won't give up, even if the~~ *nanananana* don't continue singing! lately I like to continue people talking with song lyric. lol. it's just super funny for me, but not for them and sometimes i feel sad. why only me enjoying this humor?

nah, i better end this post and go take a bath! lolol~


Journal 110

Sometimes, I wonder, have I changed in my life? Because everyone tells me that they have changed now, not directly of course. They say, I haven't changed at all, still immature, loud and childish. Well, that time I think, whatever, it is my life, and this is myself. and I was wondering this time, when the earth revolves, and everything's changing, growing, I see myself not wanting to change. I still want to be the same me, and I want everyone around me not changing. but it is inevitable, it is the law, and I told myself, I should change myself too, because it is not likely I would always stay the same. What I found out every time I'm telling myself to change, is, my unwillingness to change myself. back to the beginning again, and I'm unable to change myself. and I told myself again, alternatively, maybe I have changed, it's just I don't realize. and until now, it's still in debate inside my mind. :$


Journal 111

what I learnt today is don't get amazed and make conclusion too fast. I guess this weaknesses of mine makes me break my heart more often. lol. sometimes I like to make this perception of man that they are nice to you, they tease you because they like you. maybe they like you, but in friendly way, not romantically. and now i think i will close my heart for awhile, until i think it's the time to open again. but, it's very easy to impress me. just make me laugh, i will definitely like this person. because i like people who can make me happy. don't you agree? you would want a person you will spend most of your time makes you always happy, right? and i think, i don't wanna be close with people, because when they leave you, it wouldn't feel so lonely. i just want to prevent closeness. it's difficult to trust and close with others, and when there is a problem, it's very easy to break away and separated.

i finished watching Music & Lyrics just now, led by Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant. he's so handsomeeee~~ hahaha. i love his acting in this movie, so heart-achingly. :( some parts i really cried, i don't know why, i must be carried away by the sentimental feeling. hahaha. but towards the ending, it seems that it was hurried away to be finished. :/

altogether, i enjoy the movie, should sleep now. i'm so happy today. although the trip was not worth of the money, but i enjoy meeting new people. you guys are crack laaa! hahaha.



Journal 109

It has been a long time I did not write in my blog (one month is considered as long for me though). I supposed that maybe because I start writing in my notebook now, I think I prefer writing with pen rather than typing it in blog. but sometimes, because it's already such a tradition for me since 2009 I think, when I start this blog, I tend to miss writing in my blog. teehee.

even now, I'm getting busier than ever, ehm, i mean, busier than last semester. hahaha. this month is more, because it's like starting this week i have to go out of town, and PIYF is getting closer and so many things need to be done, and i think the project leader doesn't trust me to handle things because I look so blur. well, she did put me in when I'm in bad condition, the bad thing today is i just finished my CRM presentation, and I tend to blur for a day after presentation.


Journal 108 : catching up

Not because I have a lot of free time, it's just that yeah the beginning of semester, so there are not so many assignments to be done. I tried to finish Running Man (which I finally finished it from the early episode until the recent one which is 163!) told ya must watch Running Man #163! finally Gary kissed Ji Hyo! XDD

and recently, I'm trying to finish all series from Nodame Cantabile (either anime and live action) and it seems I forgot the manga, so maybe after that? hehehe

everyone, good luck for your study! enjoy your free time, but don't forget to do your assignment!

sorry for such a short post, I need to sleep now. hahaha. Good night!


Rapid Fire Question

Penasaran sama pertanyaan-pertanyaannya, jadi memutuskan ikut menjawab deh. oh ya, saya copy paste ini dari blognya kak Oky . Saya juga bukan anggota BBI sih, fiuh, ga sanggup saya review buku in decent way. LOL.
Here we go, default question from Winda Scorfi

1. nambah atau ngurangin timbunan?
ngurangin dan nambahin kalo bisa. hehehe. sedih nih masih banyak timbunan dari tahun lalu.

2. pinjam atau beli buku?

3. baca buku atau nonton film?
baca buku

4. beli buku online atau offline? (tobuk yg temboknya bisa disentuh)
offline. walopun online murah, tapi kepuasannya berbeda kalo udah di dalem toko buku. >.<

5. (penting) buku bajakan atau ori?
ori! ga pernah ketemu bajakan sih. hehehehe.

6. gratisan atau diskonan?
gratis ;p

7. beli pre-order atau menanti dgn sabar?
menanti dengan sabar.

8. buku asing (terjemahan) atau lokal?

9. pembatas buku penting atau biasa aja?
penting. (saya pencinta bookmark)

10. bookmark atau bungkus chiki?

fire question from Desty @ Desty Baca Buku

11. Habis beli buku, langsung baca atau timbun dulu?
langsung baca, mumpung fresh from the oven.
12. Romance atau mystery?

13. Novel fantasy lokal atau terjemahan?
Fantasy terjemahan

14. Beli baju baru atau preorder buku baru?
Buku baruuuu!

15. Katniss (HG) or Tally (Uglies)?
Because I haven't read Uglies, I choose Katniss.

fire question from Phie @ Resensi Harlequin

16. Baca sampai selesai atau paralel?
Sampe selesai

17. Buku baru atau buku second?
 Buku baru

18. Rak buku atau dus?
Rak buku, lebih tertata sih *boong abis, rak buku di rumah mana ada rapi-rapinya*
19. Kindle atau iPad?

20. Cliffhanger atau ending yang jelas?
ending yg jelas. cliffhanger bikin greget.

fire question from Luckty @ Luckty Si Pustakawin
21. Buku beraroma buku; The Books of Lost Things atau The Thirteenth Tale?
belom baca smuaaa. hikss. ntar saya baca deh baru jawab >.<

22. Pilih pinjem di perpus apa beli di toko buku?

23. Tertarik ama buku dari cover atau endorsement?
24. Baca buku hasil rekomendasi review atau embel-embel best seller?
rekomendasi review. best seller ga menjamin ceritanya cocok sama kita.
25. Jostein Gaarder atau Paulo Coelho?
Paulo Coelho.
fire question from Siro @ Review Siro
26. Novel romance atau science fiction? 
27. Langsung baca seluruh bukunya di satu waktu atau ditunda tunda?
Langsung baca seluruh bukunya, kalo perlu ga tidur sampe pagi. lol *pengalaman pribadi*

28. Beli buku karena lihat covernya atau sinopsisnya?
Cover. tapi klo cover jelek, judul dan sinopsis menarik juga dibeli kok. hehehe.

29. The hunger games atau Divergent?
The Hunger Games

30. Nonton dulu filmnya atau baca dulu novelnya? ( buat film yang diadaptasi dari novel).
baca dulu. takut ga ngerti ceritanya.

31. Hardcover atau paperback?

32. Battle Royale atau Hunger Games ?
Hunger Games. Belom baca Battle Royale *ketauan ga hobi fantasy*

33. Hero atau heroine ?
Hero. <3

34. TV seri atau film/movie ?

35. Tidur atau travelling ?
fire question from Nania @ Nania Mini Library

36. Kalau sedang naik  kendaraan  pilih baca atau dengar musik ?  
dengar musik. kalo baca malah pusing.
37. Pilih baca tulisan yang ada di belakang truk atau baca tulisan ‘kampanye’ di baliho   :D 
tulisan di belakang truk. lucu aja kadang ada yg menarik. hahaha

38. Jenis kertas untuk buku lebih suka yang berwarna kekuningan (kecoklatan) atau putih ?
kekuningan. kalo putih bikin silau.

39. Judul atau Cover ; yang lebih memprovokasi untuk membeli buku

40. Harry Potter atau Edward Cullen ?
 Harry Potter.

fire question from Linda @ Reading With Archuleta

41. Kristen Stewart. Isabella Swan atau Snow White? 
ngga berani judge karna belom sempet nonton Snow White

42. (di kendaraan umum) baca buku atau melamun?
43. (baca buku) di tempat tidur atau di kursi?
Tempat tidur
44. (di negeri orang) beli buku murah atau buku langka?
Beli buku langka
45. Eragon atau The Lord of the Rings?
belum baca dua2nya. hehehe.
fire question from Natha @ Me, Myself and Books

46. Fantasi atau Thriller?

47. Disneyland atau Universal Studio?
Universal Studio

48. Nonton filmnya dahulu atau baca bukunya lebih dahulu (untuk buku yang dijadikan film)?
baca buku dulu

49. Tongkat (sihir) atau pedang (belati, panah dsb)?
Tongkat sihir

50. Protagonis lelaki atau perempuan?
perempuan. jarang2 cowonya antagonis :)

fire question from Maya @ Dear Readers

51. Tokoh fiksi cewek yang dibenci?
Clary di Mortal Instruments Series by Cassandra Clare
52.  Pernah baca novel erotis? Judulnya? 
pernah. hmm, yg pertama A Romantic Story of Serena deh. hehe. penulis Indo punya, mbak Santhy Agatha.

53. Apa makna nama blog kamu?
life goes on, suka aja. kalo hidup akan terus berlanjut, meskipun mungkin ada yg disesalin di masa lalu, still, keep on writing, update the world. hoho. tapi ujung2 jadi tempat curcol sendiri. :p

54. Situs buku yang sering dikunjungi? (misal : Bookmania, Bookriot)
Goodreads, Mobilism.

55. Selain BBI, komunitas buku apa yang kamu ikuti?
ah, aku ngga gabung BBI sama sekali malah. maaf ya, bukannya ga mau gabung, cuma merasa ga pantas aja sih, saya kan jarang banget review buku. >.<
fire question from Oky @ Kumpulan Sinopsis Buku

1. Suka sambil ngemil atau diam aja saat baca buku?
diam aja. kalo ngemil takut ngotorin buku >.<

2. Pakai bookmark atau lipat ujung kertas?
bookmark! ogah banget dilipat *elus2 buku*

3. Baca sambil tiduran atau duduk? 
sambil tiduran *walopun tau akibatnya tuh mata makin minus*
4. Baca di rumah atau di kafe?
 di rumah. kalo ga tenang ga bisa konsen.
5. Bukunya di koleksi atau langsung jual lagi?
koleksi. ga pernah mau dijual >.<
akhirnya selesai juga 60 pertanyaan. kalo ada yang mau jawab, silakan. jangan sungkan dan malu. ga tau deh mau nambahin pertanyaan apa, ini juga udah banyak sih. hehehe. akhir kata, akhirnya saya update post lain juga. biasanya sih update curcol. lol


Journal 107: Where Do I See Myself in 5 Years?

Have you ever thought about yourself in 5 years later, 8 years later, or maybe 10 years later? I just remembered this question from my accounting lecturer. She asked us to think about ourselves in the future, create the 5 top list and send it to her in e-mail, and until now, I still haven't done it. hahahahaha. I hope she didn't forget this, as I attended to send her this list soon. and now I was thinking, what am I going to be in 5 years.


Journal 106: Drama Week!

Well, first of all, HAPPY EID MUBARAK FOR ALL MUSLIM OUT THERE! May this Aidil Fitri brings you and your family joy, happiness, and prosperity.

because of Eid Mubarak and semester break, I have a very long holiday this time. 3 weeks, and I can't go back to my home. Tickets are expensive because many people going back to their hometown, and I have many things to do here, so yeah, I have to wait until the right time. I have main plan and back-up plan though, so what I need to wait is the time. T_T. waiting is boring, so while waiting, I watch some drama, well, korean drama. hahaha. Before, I really love to watch drama, but now, I found it is quite boring, so full of drama (of course, that's why it's called drama). I find myself can't enjoy the story, because it's so full of lie, or, exaggeration? well, because I start my week with Nice Guy, where Song Joong Ki is the main cast. nah, I like him, I like his acting, it's nice, but I'm more into Lee Kwang Soo, who played as his best friend. More convincing, and real. How can a guy really let out their tears in front of girls or even in public? I dunno, I just never found it, except in funeral. same goes with That Winter, The Wind Blows, though yeahhh, I like this one more than Nice Guy. a bit, maybe, because it's also full of tears. I'm in


Journal 105 : meeting my idol

not that really meeting, it's just he became the emcee for the meet&greet of Jason Chen and Clara C in my campus today. I think most of teenager in malaysia know jinnyboy. i really like that guy, i'm even more eager to take picture with him rather than Jason Chen (sorry jasonnn, because you are out of reach and i didn't get the chance to meet&greet with you personally). so, in the end of the meet &greet , my friend took picture with jin, and i really wanted to, thank God, i took picture with him after asking can i take picture with you many times. i know he's busy but at that time i really can't keep myself calm. back home, i reflect that i became so annoying at that time. i think i realized at that time that maybe he got annoyed but professionally he keep smiling and told us to wait for a while. and i feel that i have to say i'm sorry to jin for pushing him to take picture with him. haha. so unfeminine for me to beg to people even to the annoying level. i'm sure i should keep my behavior to be more polite, and more mature. duh, i just realized also how childish i am. haha. i should be able


Review Movie: Something Borrowed

Title : Something Borrowed
Stars : Ginnifer Goodwin, Kate Hudson, Collin Egglesfield, John Krasinski.

See in IMDB here

Rating (from me) : 9/10

Synopsis :
Friendships are tested and secrets come to the surface when terminally single Rachel falls for Dex, her best friend Darcy's fiancé. (from IMDB)


Journal 104: Movie Day (and Night)!

I just finished 3 exams and still have 4 more exams to go. but now i'm enjoying myself first. hihihi. i already watched Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadow, and now I'm watching Something Borrowed. seems like a movie marathon and it starts with S? lol. coincidentally. I can't give any comment since Sherlock Holmes is damn nice, and I keep being awed by the movie, especially the story and Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law's acting. They are so amazing, that I was thinking it's such a nice pair even though I still prefer Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman. I love Martin Freeman as Dr. Watson, he simply like pop out from my imagination about Dr. Watson though I haven't read the novel itself. It seems for me if there are so many movies about one book, I won't waste my time to read it unless it's really worth it. I'm not saying that Sherlock Holmes is not worth it, it's different case. I just can't afford to buy the series or the compilation books of Sherlock Holmes, it costs me a fortune (nah, just a phrase to say it's damn expensive). And I really love Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock Holmes, he's perfect for this role. I became a fan of him now, and started hunting down all the movies and series where he starred. Unfortunately, I'm not that crazy to hunt all, only some that I like. Still, personal preference is relied on this case, not only the idolization.

Now, currently I'm watching Something Borrowed. I know the story about this movie, it based on a novel by Emilly Griffin. I researched, I read some reviews, and I don't think I will read the book after I watched this movie for 20 minutes already and I already started developing my dislike for this movie. Let say I'm quite a feminist, I don't like the idea of a woman cheating behind her best friend with her best friend's fiance. It's the most incurable, lowest act, immorality of all. I really hate that kind of story, but I know, it happens in reality. shit happens, and we can't do anything except wipe it off with tissue, maybe?


Journal 103

lagi kesel banget sama temen sekelompok. tugas kelompok gini ya kerja bareng lah. pas kerja bareng, muka pake busuk2 gitu, pake acara bad mood, muka cemberut, kesel gw liatnya. lu kira cuma lu yg bad mood? gw yang liat juga ikutan bad mood. gw tau lu ga suka sama temen gw, bukan berarti lu bisa seenaknya ganti2 kerjaan gw. gw susah payah ngerjain itu ga tidur. gw tanya pendapat lu, lu bilang terserah gw, ya yang pada akhirnya gw kerjain terserah gw juga, in the end lu malah sok2 ngomong klo lu ngerjain sendiri. tau ga sih salah lu apa? lu ga menghargai pas gw tanya2, lu malah jawab terserah gw, setelah gw kerjain, lu malah sok2 bilang itu salah dan ganti sendiri, and in the end no one understand it and you have to finish all by yourself. and you want to find your best friend as your ally, but you know that even that best friend of yours also don't want to do that assignment, cz she herself is also lazy, even to attend the class!!! bah, muak gw sama orang2 ini. gw berusaha bersikap baik, lu manfaatin. you always demand me to do nice things to you, but you didn't give back to me. what kind of friend are you? frien-emy? 

hah. tuh kan jadi postingan di blog ini negatif smuaaa. hikssss.

tunggu pas saya bahagia dan ingin membaginya dengan kalian semua, hahahaha.

soy una persona alegre, so i'll be back with a more cheerful story to write.



Journal 102

well, before i will explain very shortly about Running Man. It's korean variety show which consist of 7 main character, and they need to run in every episodes, do the mission, and etc. it's veryyy funny, though some people don't think so. if me, i'll get pissed if i like the guest but they lose, so i keep swearing. hahaha.

ALERT: This review is in Bahasa Indonesia, and not a full review since i don't feel like i'm a reviewer


Journal 101 : no mention status

what do you think when people write no mention status and you know EXACTLY it's about you? moreover, it's not a good thing about you.

and do you think you are BETTER than anyone else? please, watch yourself on mirror because you are not THAT GREAT. making no mention status is not only rude, but abusing others. you might think that person not reading yours, but not if it's on facebook when we are "friend".

I know u don't like the person, it's okay, but no mention status? that is rude. plus with your comment. should i tag you now in my status, clearly that I despise your personality? you might think you are handsome/beautiful but not with your personality.

I really hate with this kind of no mention status. I despise it. I know it's your facebook, but you should mind others, especially the person that you want-to-mention-but-you-don't-want-him/her-know-that-you-talk-bad-about-them is "friend" with you in facebook.

I even never want to start one, but at the same time, this guy really brought my temper up. He wrote the no mention status to me, I replied him with the same no mention status, and they replied me with no mention status. it's like a no-mention status war on facebook. i stopped it right away after they wrote another status. I don't want to continue to hurt people, to be misunderstood by people, so I stopped. I realize how does it feel. It's not a good feeling to have revenge by making no mention status. it only brings up more revenge and anger among people. so i really want to prevent this problem in the future. and i write this post as a reminder for me and all people outside there to be careful when you write status on facebook. it's not a private space at all now..

well, i wrote this post with a lot of anger and pissed off. hahahaha. i hope you also don't feel pissed off to me. lol.

have a good night!

PS : I'm sorry for my bad english. I hope you can at least understand what I want to tell about.

Journal 100 : cheer up!

Finally, journal 100!!! I guess, i should have a party then. lol. why cheer up? because one of my friend told me that she feel sad (i dunno what is the english for 'miris') when she read my journal. and when i read through what i have written, i feel like "oh my goodness, what happen to my life before? do i always feel emo like that?" hahahaha. yeah, sometimes i wrote when i feel sad, not when i'm happy. because it's like a car that consume petrol, happiness is the petrol, and the car usually drink it up all until finish and when the sadness (petrol is finished) come, you share it to everyone that you don't have money to buy the petrol (i don't know what i am talking about now, so just guess what i mean by saying those and tell me what i mean by saying it in the comment section. hahahaa)

so, i want to make a cheerful post now, without end up writing an emo post. lol. but i dunno how, i guess i should start practicing now, share my happiness to the world. lol.


Journal 99 : in relationship

the title up there must make your curiosity up. everyone must be wondering, are you in a relationship? with who? when? how do you meet with your partner? and many other questions will come up. but sorry, i'm not in relationship now. but i really wanna talk about this topic tonight since it also make me soooo curious.

i have so many questions about relationship. how do you know each other, how do you guys come up with the idea being in a relationship, who ask to go out first, who propose first, why would you accept/reject them, and many others. i admit it that i have never been in relationship (romance way) with anyone before, so i'm very curious and want to start mine. i don't know how people can go out together, what do you like from him/her, why you guys can go out together for many years and not even feeling bored to each other because usually in relationship you will look at each other a lot, every day, or even every time.


Journal 98

life is unexpected. u can dream that tomorrow you will still have the same person who greet you, but as we face in reality, your life can change in a minute when 1. you speak wrongly, 2. you behave differently, 3. you didn't do anything.

and that's what i learnt. i'm afraid that our experience might be different since every person meet different person in their life or even the same person but different treatment to us.

i thought that i might get along with these girls, but because of certain thing i don't know or i did not realize, it creates a distant among us, only in 1 day. in that 1 day, everything changed. we do not laugh as we used to laugh together. we are talking as if we are stranger now. even, we do not joke around to each other because everyone seems to take offensively on it.


Journal 97

now, i am enjoying my life, alone (?), with my laptop and phone as my best friend (currently). i miss my family, miss my friends in hometown, miss everyone that I close with before. i hope everyone doesn't forget about me. i know i should move on, but it's difficult to make a move with this big difference and hindrance. i don't know who i should go with, friend with, even eat together with. and I realize I'm a quiet person. it's difficult for me to start a conversation naturally, even to talk with stranger, i don't feel good about it. not only stranger, to my classmates are also difficult, since from semester 1 we already create a group. it feels awkward to just go into another circle. so difficult until now i stop to try. i feel like just let anyone approach me since i'm already tired to try to approach people. i know i said to myself that i like challenge, but now i'm tired, can't i take a rest? sometimes i think, people around me are selfish, they want me to approach them, make afford, but later they just leave me alone, and it's not only tiring.

so, i spent most of my time with listening to music, watching Running Man , reading novels, and writing in this blog about what i want to share to my close friend. it's easy to make friend, but hard to make a close friend. you don't want to choose wrong person yet you need them faster.

heyy, talk about Running Man, Kim Jong Kook just came to Malaysia last Friday! he had showcase on friday in Sentul and meet&greet in Paradigm Mall. so sad that i don't have friend to go with so i just stayed at home watching running man. hahahaha. i asked some of my friends, they went there, but with their own friends.

and i really want to ask people, is there any manual book to make a close friend? because i like to follow manual book. although deep inside my brain (?) , i know there is no such book exist, or if it really exists, sure it will be a different case. everyone has no same characters. and here life, give us test to guess everyone's characters.

sometimes i even want to ask everyone, hey tell me what you want/expect from people, how do you want people talk to you, what you don't like from people, what are your interests, what should i do if you face certain mood (bad mood, very bad mood, angry). but you know, humans are not honest, even to themselves. i can't bother with it, since i'm also sometimes not that honest (if i'm being honest, people tend to get annoyed/angry)

and you know what, sometimes i even wish that some people face the same problem like me, so i don't feel being alone. hahahahhaa. but no, i just want and wish everyone (include me) lives happily and peacefully. that's what Buddha taught us, pray for everyone to live happily, peacefully.


Journal 96

Firstly I want to say, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY VERY DEAR FRIEND, YU-CHANNN~ Wish you a very happy birthday, have a nice day, graduate soon, get a good job, don't lose contact with me and ren-chan, stay healthy (exercise more) hahaa because i know you are getting fatter now!!!! U even recommend me nice food with cheap price! lol!!! #justkidding

and secondly, i feel grateful that i chose to go for counseling. People might think i'm crazy or what, but I do need counseling since living in foreign country feels so strange, no friend to share with, and only with my counselor, i can tell her anything i want. she looks like my sister or aunt or even friend because she treats me well. i know it's part of her job, but it's so nice for her to be patiently listen to me although i can't really speak english well. I'm not good in expressing my emotion when it comes to speaking and it's not my mother tongue. i'm so thankful of her, i hope she's not feeling tired when listen to my story. jajaja.


Journal 95

I was hoping that next week is my free week, but it seems that assignment and final exam for spanish class choose to come in next week. i want to sleep more, i want to exercise more, but it seems that assignment always become the barrier between us *ceilee. I already planned to exercise and diet because i don't want to have more double chin and fats on my stomach. hiks. I have to go to gym and starts doing it before i feel like procrastinating it. lol. i'm hungry now since i only have snow ice cream as my dinner. hiks. i miss dumplings and wanton and indonesian food. sometimes , i feel so homesick.

i feel so happy today but contrast, i feel so bad today. the good news is my debate team won the class debate. thanks to my classmate, he's very awesome if i can say it in front of him, but later he'll be big head. he did a good job, even got 5 marks, unfortunately become 4 because he exceeded the time. it's very nice to learn from him. he's very experience in public speaking (fyi, he's older than me), and his knowledge is very vast. i admire him, he's like a role model for me. he can be playful but at the same time very serious because he's a businessman, so his nature is unpredictable. he has scolded me before (he's the chairperson of my class tour), but i know in my heart, although i feel angry that he scold me in front of his friends, he speaks the truth. he gave me a lot of things to learn about. he's like a brother for me (if he wants me to refer him so).

and another side, i feel bad today, i don't want to use card again for shopping. it's worst, complicated, and i don't want my mom there is worried about me and i don't want to upset my parents. they already work hard for me , for me to study here, and i don't want to add more worry on their shoulder. i want them to be proud of me, i don't want to upset them, and i feel like every day i learn my lesson about life. people around me makes me learn, not lean on them. i learn to be independent, but sometimes i need to depend on someone else, to help me grow up!

have a nice day everyone!


Journal 94 : Reflection

I just realized today when I did group discussion with my classmates for our assignment. Before, I always thought that I can do everything, I understand everything, I'm smarter than them. In fact, they are better than me and I have to lower my over-confident, see others and look into myself and I lack so many things. I'm too proud of myself so I don't really respect others. I read Tuesdays With Morrie, and I realize, I never gave all of myself to listen to what others think and talk about. I'm lack in listening, I speak too much, and I want to learn from my mistakes. I want to listen more, although actually I want to speak more (because I'm always quiet and talk to myself and when someone ask me to speak about things, I can't stop myself to share. hahaha.)

I want to change myself, I want to be more talkative, listen to others carefully, out from my safe shell, I want to express myself but not too much, I want to try to learn from others because they are more expert than me. and i want to respect others more. before, i always think of myself highly, i always think other people are wrong, now i realized, it's me who is wrong and sometimes i like to imagine more rather than see the reality. i have to be in real life now, not in my dreaming. i have to move on. i know reality sometimes hurts, but that's life. Confusius said, it's not about you never falling, but rising in every your fall.

and this semester really opens my eyes. that i'm not as good as what i imagine and respect others and everyone has their own skill and we shouldn't look down at others. i should try something new, be more brave, and not to be childish by jealous to others excellence. and i have to study more diligently.


Journal 93

i dunno why, but lately i make so many thoughts. i was thinking that it's better for me to enjoy my loneliness, although yeah i know i miss contact with people. lol. it's not that i become anti social, but now i think i will make distance between me and other people for awhile. life is not easy lately, and i have to finish my assignment, deadline is coming, and i feel too crowded also lately. i also don't have so many stories to tell about to my friends. they are still my friends , but if they forget me while i'm hibernating, it's okay, i can always find another friends. :)

and you know what, i just found out that i have collection of pen drive. 2GB, 4GB, 8GB and 16GB, i have it all. hahaha. 2GB and 8GB are from my dad, he said it's better for me to have another pen drive, in case the other is lost, and i got 4GB from quiz, and 16GB because we (my class) has "a lot of" money from our tour. it's not because we make profit, but we 'give' profit to our tour. :( i hope they will return some of my money. i'm broke now. i want this bag so much http://www.charleskeith.com/INTLStore/CK/product?dest=MYS&art=CK2-50670006&color=01&source=bags

but now, it's out of stock. i don't know what to do. hiksss. i hope they still have it in Sunway Pyramid's store. and i hope my mom let me buy it. lol. i don't have any bags except my laptop bag, so i really want to have a ladies bag. :)

and i wanna buy a backpack which i can use it to put my books for school and for a short trip to put my clothes, etc. i'm afraid to use my laptop bag for trip, because i don't want it broken so fast, i still love that bag, so i want to buy a bag special for trip.

i guess i have many wish list. lol. and i just hope for magic that maybe i have enough money to buy the bags.

lately, i think went to counselling help me relieve my stress. i shared the story that i want to tell-but-i'm-too-afraid-of-my-friend's-reaction.


Lang Buana Trip

hey guys, do you like Adventure tourism??? We are providing it now! Join our tour, only RM250 all inclusive (Transportation from Taylor's Lakeside Campus, Accomodation in MH Hotel Sungai Siput with Twin Sharing Basis bedroom, breakfast 2x, lunch 2x, tea time, and buffet dinner, lucky draw and games, team building activities in Lang Buana)

Hurry up and SIGN IN!! More information, contact the number below in the poster. Thank you!!!



Journal 92 : hisashiburi

it has been a long time i write in this blog. usually I produced (?) almost 10 posts every month, but now i rarely write anything because of the activities , campus, assignment, everything messed up , and i don't have any idea what I can share in my blog. and recently, i don't have anything interesting to tell except my loneliness in this foreign country and no friend to tell but writing in this blog. but i didn't want to share it because i don't want everyone who read this blog feel sad or depressed. i just want to share happiness and good news to everyone, because we deserve it. we need to forget the negative part and move on with the positive part, but you know, it's not life if everything is not balance. there is always the negative part, along with the positive part. and i just (now) realized and remembered what the bhante in my vihara before said, life is like a wheel. you will always rotate no matter when, up or down, and maybe my position in my life now is down side, but it's okay. believe that one day you will move to up side, and see the sun shines without need to raise your head up difficultly.

and you know, recently i feel like i start to go far away from everyone, even with my family. i feel like lonely is my friend now. hahaha. no one remember to ask me to go out, no one ask me if i wanna join them for lunch or dinner, no one can accompany me for shopping, i feel sad but also empty. i have no one to share, i have no one to tell. sometimes, i even start to talk to myself. i miss being accompanied, but now that i already went far away and everyone leaves me, i don't know how to start all over again. courtship is hard for me, i'm a happy-all-round type, but not the sociable one. i might greet you in first meeting cheerfully, but i maybe forget your name on the second meeting. and if we never met and suddenly meet again, i might only stare at you because i forgot if i ever talk to you or even ask your name. and in this point, i hope you will smile at me and say your name, and ask if i remember or not. because sometimes, people didn't understand my stare and they will either smile awkwardly or just stare at me back like "whaddya lookin' at, dude?"


Journal 91

mood : tired
now playing : jeff bernat ft. geologic of blue scholars - call you mine

kayaknya tahun ini lagi ga produktif nulis-nulis. hahaha. dan entah kenapa, semakin lama, saya merasa kehilangan diri sendiri. ga tau kenapa, rasanya saya yang sekarang bukanlah seorang saya. saya merasa, bahwa saya ngga bisa lagi mengerti orang lain, atau mungkin orang lain menganggap saya aneh? ngga tahu juga. pokoknya ada yang berbeda. mungkin saya yang berubah, mungkin orang lain juga berubah. makanya beda.

mood, tired. ya, saya capek akhir2 ini. capek fisik dan batin. fisik, saya harus ngerjain konser, punya negara orang, ga dibayar, tapi harus sibuk ngurus ini ngurus itu, ngabisin pulsa buat nelpon sama sms orang2, para performers, emailin smua orang yang berkaitan sama konser ini, tapi yang paling aneh, saya ngga tau apa2 soal konser, tiba2, pluk, kamu jadi activities and entertainment manager, dan lebih aneh lagi, teman2 sekelas saya yang jadi manager juga malah makin menjauh dari saya. dan saya juga bingung gimana dekat dengan mereka lagi.

jadi tau kan kelanjutannya gimana? kita jarang berkomunikasi, padahal sesama manager, harus saling kontak buat konser.. saya sendiri bingung gimana mulainya. saya berusaha lebih baik tapi malah dicuekin gitu, pas saya cuek, mereka malah tambah kesel sama saya. saya jadi serba salah. padahal kata salah satu dosen saya, di dunia event ini kita akan bekerja sama orang yg mungkin kita ga suka, tapi tetep aja kita harus melakukan kerjaan kita dengan baik lah. in the end, saya malah disalahkan secara ga langsung  sama event advisornya. dibilangin ga berkomunikasi lah. mereka sendiri ngerjain itinerary, jadwal buat konser aja ganti2 mulu, mana ga saling ngasih tahu, pas saya kasih tahu para performers, emcee, liaison officers, eh itinerary udah ganti lagi. kenapa semua orang ga kesel sama saya? okelah, saya ga komunikasi sama mereka, tapi mereka harusnya inform ke saya lah kalo ganti jadwal, masa didiemin, pas udah mau rehearsal, besok tampil, sekarang jadwal ganti lagi? untung aja saya ga dibacok sama mereka (para performers), cuma ada emcee yg batal tampil, dia ga mau jadi emcee kalo jadwal ganti2 gini. saya aja males ngerjain konser ini pas jadwal ganti2 , ga fix sampe hari terakhir, apalagi emcee yang harus ngomong di panggung, klo band yg bakal tampil beda sama  itinerary-nya, pasti salah sebut ,dan pastinya malu-maluin banget kan?

apalagi tugas2 buat besok, tau hari terakhir, ganti lagi, saya di awal dibilang jadi coordinator, diganti jadi head liaison officer? okela, saya kurang ngikutin kerjaan mereka, tapi kok diganti seenaknya? kalo kalian mau take all the compliments, take it, tapi jangan ganti seenak jidat dong. saya kerja keras tapi ga dihargai gini, siapa sih yang ga sakit hati? kalo kalian niat ngerjain ini konser, dari awal tahun pasti udah kelar, apalagi si event manager sok tau itu, sukanya lempar kerjaan doang, tapi mau take compliment. bah, ga kompeten banget. tau orang2nya begini, ga bakal ngajuin volunteer. buang waktu, tenaga, mana tugas ga kelar. shitty banget.

saya saranin deh, volunteer oke2 aja, tapi sesuaikan dengan kemampuan kamu. kamu yakin kamu bisa, lakukan. well , jangan ikutin saya oke, karena waktu itu saya cuma main lamar aja, terima oke ga terima yasuda. hahaha. tapi pasnya diterima malah luntang lantung gini. wkwk.

curhat selesai. saatnya ngerjain tugas!


Borneo Jazz Music Festival Preview 2013

Hi guys! Have you read my previous post??? I want to inform you that the concert will be held in 7 days from now on which means on 7-8 May 2013!! Don't forget about it, post it in your phone calendar or make reminder in you phone, come and join us in the concert from 7-10p.m in Taylor's University Lakeside Campus!!

btw, we are also having international jazz band, which are Scott Martin and Jump4Joy!

so, what are you waiting for?? come and enjoy the jazz with us!

PS: we are also giving some surprise from lucky draw and games! come over and maybe you will be the luckiest person on that night!


Journal 90: stuck

wahhh, lama ga nulis lagi. stuck di journal 89. lol

bener2 sibuk selama kuliah ini. kalo orang bilang kuliah tourism itu santai, enak, banyak jalan2nya, salah banget. sorry to disappoint your imagination, but tourism degree also same like other degree. you have to do assignments which are essay, presentation, debate, planning tour, proposal, synthesize, and of course, you have to do dissertation for your last semester. but of course, the fun time is after you passed those assignments, you got result, experience, more over connection and new friends.

mana lagi, saya disibukkan sama konser. have i mentioned this? i am helping for Borneo Jazz Music Festival Preview 2013 in Taylor's University Lakeside Campus on 7-8 May 2013. so if you have time, and you are in Malaysia, especially around Taylor's, please come and watch, because this concert is FREE! or if you like jazz, please come to Malaysia, only pay for flight ticket, hotel, food, but the concert itself is free. hehehe. there will be the real one which is Borneo Jazz Music Festival 2013 in Miri, Sarawak, if I'm not mistaken it's around 9-11 May 2013.

up there is the poster, take a look. pleaseeee, support us by coming to our campus and watch the concert!!! :D


Journal 89: Favorite list

i'm in mood to make my favorite list. hehehe

All time favorite movie : The Crazy Little Thing Called Love (Thai Movie)
 I don't know why I love this movie. maybe because it taught us that love will guide you in good way. to become pretty, to improve ourselves in order to reach our dream. i really really love this movie. wish they have the sequel or spin off :)

All time favorite song : IU - Good Day
  trend may change, but this song is always in my playlist from first time it's out. feels like this song describe my (love) life. haha. and i never get bored listening to it.

All time favorite book : i always love romance books that have good plot, good character, and of course ga menye-menye (ga bisa translate ke inggris apa itu menye2) haha. so, yeahh, it's not all time, but relatively. lol

All time favorite food : rendang (although makes me got tooth-ache, but i love it so much. it's a typical food (makanan khas) from Padang, West Sumatra), Pempek (forever and always)

All time favorite quote : so many books, so little time -Frank Zappa

i think i will put more all-time-favorite on this list later hahaha. have a nice day!

btw, today is Imlek, Happy Lunar New Year everyone. Gong xi fa cai! May this snake year brings you and your family prosperity, joy, and happiness :)


hello february

it's a bit late though, but yeahh, welcome february. it's a happy month (must be). Chinese New Year (imlek), Valentine (love is in the air) yeahh, full of happy atmosphere. but here i am, in stress, shock, freak out mood. suddenly i was chosen as the head of activities and entertainment. it's stressful since i never held a concert before and was given a big responsibilities, although only for the preview. i'm stress nowwww, if anyone can help me to do this, pleaseeee, comment below.


Journal 88: settled

this is the same Jessica, hanya saja accountnya saya ganti. ga bisa mengganti alamat google account sebelumnya, terpaksa yg lama saya delete dan yg baru +1. hiksss. sedih banget rasanyaaa. blogger yang lama bisa diganti alamatnya dulu, sekarang ga bisa lagiiii (makanya di delete) dan yg ini yg baru makanya namanya ada chan. hahaha. google payah sih, aku kan ga ada nama belakang, tapi wajib pake last name. hwhwhw. dan yah, rencana awal semua untuk mengatur akun2 email berjalan lancar, ga pake banyak2 alamat email lagi. pusing soalnya kalo banyak email. wkwk.

dan yahh, saya deg2an nungguin nilai final exam saya. semogaaa dapet nilainya A smuaaa (aminn!!)
dengan begitu saya bisa tenang menikmati liburannn. hohoho

hidup itu bener2 ga terduga. kadang saya bingung lho sama jalan hidup saya, apa jalan yg sudah saya pilih ini benar? apa bisa saya mengulang waktu? apa bisa saya muter balik? kadang saya bingung, apa yg harus saya lakukan sekarang?

dan sepertinya, saya harus menjalankan rencana saya untuk berolahraga. kalo ngga, badan ini makin lemah saja. hwhw.

good luck buat semua yg sedang menanti keluarnya nilai UAS kalian!