13.12.12

Journal 87 : 2 days to go

to final exam. OTL. but it's near to christmas and new year, and i can't wait to go back to my hometown! can't wait to meet my familia and my friends. can't wait to eat a lot of foods that i'm craving so much during my stay here. i'm just away from home for 3 months and i felt already gone for 3 years. haha. each day passed has already been a long day. can't wait can't wait! *feel so excited*

but remembering exam makes me think to study hard so that i won't get re-sit. somehow, exam makes me feel full of spirit.

i feel so sad lately, that I always feel bad when i'm with my friends. i feel like it's not good for me to be around them. they make me think the worst of me when i'm around them. it's not good for my health, i think. so i decided, maybe to make a distant between me and my friends. i can't let them know more about my feeling again. i can't share it freely to them now. i have to think over first before i speak out. it will end to the bad result if i keep going to do the same thing as i did before. i feel insecure if i tell more about my feeling to them. they'll use it as weapon to go against me. i don't like to imagine it. my other classmate told me that i think too much, but i can't stop that feeling. that's my instinct. i can't be their follower, i don't like it. i never like being a follower. i can't easily say that i don't like them. i have to like them although i don't want, it's all for relation in the future.

come to the realization that exam is coming to the campus, along with year end sale (yeay!) , i wish i could shop as much as i want. but i know, i have to think that i didn't earn the money by myself. :D

i feel so relieved now that i can tell everything that already buried long long time ago inside my heart. although i prefer to tell it by speaking, not writing. haha. but yeah, it's enough.

i just remember that how i felt irritated last time by my friend. i want to ignore it but i can't, since she doesn't realize her own mistake although i already mocked her. maybe she has a thick skin (?)

ok, i feel better now, and time to end this bad talk. haha. study for exam now, can't fail!

6.12.12

Journal 86: Back to December...

ga terasa Desember udah dateng. padahal kemaren baru buat post hello november. hahaha. saya sekarang jadi ngga aktif lagi gara-gara kuliah. tugas menumpuk, test mulu. huwaaaaa. kata senior saya, kalo ga sibuk bukan kuliah namanya. hahaha. ga kurang tidur juga bukan kuliah namanya. lol. iaa deh, saya kurang tidur mulu, padahal baru semester 1. haaaa... gmana tar semester 2,3? ga tau deh. saya mencoba bertahan dulu. hahaha.


kehidupan kuliah saya ga berjalan begitu mulus. bagian relationship aja. kalo belajar mah lumayan, ga jelek2 amat nilainya, standar, ga pinter ga bego juga. hahaha. susah sih menyesuaikan diri, apalagi sama bahasa pengantarnya, bahasa inggris. ga bisa pake bahasa indonesia, sedih deh saya. :( makanya tiap presentasi (ini nih!) bikin saya kewalahan. pusing mikirin kata2nya, translate dari indonesia ke inggris dalam kepala. tapi harus dibiasakan. hehe.

relationship, bukan sama pacar sih (belum punya, hahaha) tapi sama temen. mungkin karena umur teman2 saya bervariasi, dan saya kadang kurang suka sama temen yang kesannya menggurui, hanya karena dia lebih tua daripada saya. kadang saya lihat dia tuh menilai bahwa dirinya mengetahui lebih banyak dari yang saya tahu tentang dunia. entahlah, saya capek kalo tiap kali dibilang salah tapi ga ada sarannya. pengen banget sendirian, tapi mereka mikirnya saya menghindari mereka. :( gimana ya buat mereka ngga berpikiran begitu?

minggu depan udah final exam, atau ujian akhir ya? well well, saya akan berusaha. hiksss. bakal belajar dan hiatus dari laptop selama 3 minggu (ujiannya 3 minggu. zzzzz). habis ujian, saya pengen jalan2, pengen tidur panjang, dan pastinya makan2, trus pulang kampung. saya kangen mama sayaaaa, sama masakannya. disini ngga ada masakan seenak masakan beliau. kangen pempek juga, kangen baca novel, kangen ngomong bahasa palembang (disini jarang ngomong bahasa palembang, pas ngomong bahasa indonesia malah keceplos palembangnya), kangen smuanya. hahaha. liburnya tar 3 bulan, dan mungkin bakal terbosan2 kali pas pulang tar. haha. yahh, saya berharap bisa pulang cepat2. tapi, harus menghadapi ujian lebih dulu. wish me luck!!!

bakal baca novel adalah hal yg bikin aku smangat buat pulang. hahaha.